What Does a Dominatrix Do? Go Behind the Scenes of BDSM…  Click Here to Discover 5 All-Natural Foods That Get You Hard-As-Steel FAST (Even If You Haven’t Had an Erection in Years)… When you hear the word “dominatrix,” what do you see? A girl dressed in a leather catsuit…? Maybe she’s holding a whip…? Or some handcuffs…? It’s normal to think that being a dominatrix is all about whips, chains, and pain…but this isn’t the whole story! Meet the Pornstar And Ex-Dominatrix Who’s Baring It All for You… I’m Lyra Law, pornstar and ex-Dom…and today I’m gonna show you what being a dominatrix is REALLY like. 😉  (Maybe you read my last article on here about my favorite oral sex technique.) As a pornstar, I have all different kinds of sex…so I’m no stranger to BDSM. In fact, I first got my start in the industry as a dominatrix! You might say I jumped into it “head-first”…and I absolutely fell in love with it. And while I’m not a Dom anymore…I still think about it from time to time. THE LATEST: If She Does This With Her Body It Means She REALLY Wants to Sleep With You! And what I’ve realized is that most people have NO idea what really goes on in the world of Doms, Subs, and BDSM. So I want to share with you the 4 biggest misconceptions guys have about what being a dominatrix is really like. Ready to get started? Beginning with myth #1: Myth #1: Men Are Always Doms And Women Are Always Subs A lot of people assume that men are always the more “dominant” sexual force…this is so not true! As an ex-Dom, I know firsthand how many women absolutely love being Doms…and how many men only want to be a Sub. Personally, I love being in control in the bedroom…it makes me feel powerful, which is a huge turn-on. On top of that, a lot of men are used to being in control of every aspect of their lives…so being a Sub is sort of a “release” for them. It allows them to let everything go, and let someone else (like me) take the reigns for once. So if you’ve ever fantasized about being completely dominated by a woman…you’re not alone. It’s actually quite common. 🙂 Which brings me to the next common misconception about the world of BDSM… Myth #2: It’s All About Whips, Chains, And Pain I won’t lie…whips and chains are absolutely a part of being a dominatrix. So is pain. But that’s not all there is to it! It’s much more nuanced than that. As a dominatrix, my job is to pleasure you…but you have to relinquish control before I can do that. While some guys see whips and chains as the easiest way to relinquish this control…there are other ways. For example, some guys get off on being my “pet.” They get on all fours and I “walk” them. I’ve also dressed up as Hitler’s mistress… Played “doctor… Used catheters and injections… And if you think that’s weird, that’s just the tip of the iceberg: One guy even asked to smell my farts once. Do you see how “relinquishing control” can mean very different things to different people? SPECIAL: 27 Surefire Signs She’s H*rny And DTF Right Now… Speaking of people, a lot of guys think that only “weirdos” would go see a dominatrix. In reality, 99% of my clients are normal, working-class straight men. They’re just looking for a little something “extra.” They treat women with respect and are 100% sane…I just give them the release they’re looking for. 😉 Myth #3 – The Dom Is In Control Dominatrix = dominating…right? OK, yes. But that’s not the whole story. The Dom and the Sub have a very special relationship — the Dom’s job is ultimately to give the Sub an orgasm, so in reality, the Sub has the power. While the Dom does handle most of the “action” in bed, the Sub usually calls the shots. The Sub sets the boundaries and limits — like a safe word — and the Dom can only do what the Sub will allow. For example, if you see a video of a Dom dripping candle wax onto a Sub, this is something the Sub previously requested. It’s what the Sub wants. And this relationship requires a lot of trust on both ends. The Sub trusts that the Dom won’t overstep her (or his) boundaries… And the Dom trusts that the Sub is relinquishing 100% of his (or her) control…not 95%. Not 97%. 100%. This kind of agreement allows the Dom to take the Sub to a new headspace…I call it the “Sub space.” It’s here where the fun can finally begin.  Myth #4: You’re Either A Dom Or A Sub…Not Both I’ve done a lot of work as a Dominatrix…and don’t get me wrong, I f’in love being in charge… But I also loooove being a Sub. People who enjoy both roles — being a Dom and a Sub — are what we in the industry call a “Switch.” A Switch is someone who can “switch” between the two roles, depending on how they’re feeling and the circumstances. For example, if a guy can’t dominate me in bed every once in a while, I’ll be missing something from my sex life…I need the give and take to be balanced in order to be completely satisfied. What turns me on most in a guy is someone who’s comfortable with both being in control and relinquishing control…in my personal life, I need somebody who can do both. So what does a Dom/Sub relationship really look like in the bedroom? It looks however you want it to look! What’s great about these roles is that you and your partner can define them any way you please. If you’re a Dom who’s into bondage, then introduce a short crop (a kind of whip) or maybe a blindfold in the bedroom…start small, and gradually increase the pain. While I’ll admit I enjoy the more “extreme” sex acts, the Dom/Sub relationship isn’t all about pain. SPECIAL: This “Raging Bull Secret” That Boosts Your Bloodflow & Gives You Hard-As-Steel Erections Is Almost Sold Out (Click Here to Get It)… There’s a gray area between “vanilla” sex and full-on BDSM…it’s whatever you want it to be. 🙂 Beyond the world of BDSM, there is one more “industry secret” I have to share with you… It’s about the kind of sex that drives girls like me f’in nuts…the kind of sex she’ll never forget…the kind that gets her borderline “addicted” to you… Although “addicted” isn’t quite the right word…us girls in the industry call it “c**k drunk.” How to Get Her “C**K Drunk” on YOU… “Sounds like someone’s gone c**k drunk!” My co-star Edyn told me… I had spent the last hour telling her all about my f–k buddy “Burt”…how “full” he felt inside me…how I went down on him for half an hour that morning…mmm, I’m getting turned on just thinking about it… But “c**k drunk”?? That’s a first. “What the hell does THAT mean?” I asked her… She gave me a pouty frown…”You didn’t watch my video, did you?” She had sent it to me that morning…but I was “working”… 😉 She pulled out her phone…”Here, just watch,” she said, pressing play: The video said: “If a guy can give me the pleasure I crave…if he can turn me on the way I want…well, I’ll keep coming back to him day after day…and for one reason only: I want his c**k inside me. It’s what I call being ‘c**k drunk’.” So I WASN’T crazy! All those urges…how I needed his manhood 24/7…thinking about him during EVERY scene at work…the sheet-soaking “night orgasms”…I was just c**k drunk. I never knew how to put it into words…but you can watch Edyn show you, step-by-step, how to do it here: Pornstar Edyn Blair: “How to Get Me C**K Drunk on YOU” (Warning: NSFW!) If You Want to Experiment With “Rough” Sex Or Get Her to Unleash Her Kinkier Side… … then I’ve got good news: Universally, almost all women like sex to be at least a LITTLE rough (myself included)… And there are some rough moves, which are on the safer side, that give women extraordinary pleasure… without really risking going too far. Deep down, almost all women CRAVE these rough sex moves… … though because we don’t want to be “judged” or come off as a “sl*t”… … we usually won’t open up about it, until the man takes the initiative and gets a little rough with us first. 😉 Just click the move you want to know more about below: 1) The Dominant Hand-Hold 2) The S&M Spank 3) The Goldilocks Choke P.S. This is embarrassing to admit, but I came in like 2 minutes the last time a guy did this to me lol… would you try it? [Note: This post was updated by Gotham Club on February 24, 2021.] Share this…

One of my dumbest over 50’s dating mistakes ever! Before we get to today’s blog, I wanted to mention a fun virtual event that’s coming up next week. It’s called The Wise Woman’s Journey. Twenty-one speakers share how these years can be a time of expansion and fulfillment, as you express yourself authentically and address concerns about visibility, opportunity, or the value of your gifts. I am one of the featured speakers. The host of this twenty-one-day journey, Catherine Rowan, is creating a visionary movement of wise women who are supporting each other and changing the cultural narrative on aging, beauty, and contribution for women. We also explore sexuality, health, astrology, and a range of other topics. Every day from 1-21 March you’ll be receiving a fabulous 30-minute video. Register to meet Catherine and the other leading inspirational women. I can’t wait for you to join us and experience this supportive Wise Woman community. Here’s your link to register, all you have to do is click here to join. Now onto one of my biggest dating blunders…. Today, I want to share with you one of my biggest dating blunders… A couple of years ago, my high school boyfriend, Paul popped back into my life. I was in the middle of my second divorce and I was feeling pretty low. His kindness and humor gave me hope and made me feel like there was light at the end of a very long dark tunnel. As high school sweethearts, we thought for sure our hearts would be bound together in love forever. (There is nothing like young love…so innocent and sweet!) But we ended up at different colleges about four hours apart. This distance would pull us apart and by winter break of our freshman year we broke up. Our lives were no longer connected on a daily basis so the spark that held us together slowly fizzled. I moved on in life, got married, had kids, and 24 years later, divorced my first husband then a few years later my second husband. And that’s when Paul showed up again in my life. He’d written me an email asking why we’d broken up 30 years ago. That letter opened the door to an on-again/off-again two-year phone relationship….it was on the phone because we lived about 4 hours apart. We spent hours talking every night and I found myself falling in love with him all over again. And why wouldn’t I? I was vulnerable and here was this old love of mine telling me I was beautiful, smart, kind, and compassionate. He’d tell me stories of how he’d put me on a pedestal and treat me like a princess. His words touched my heart at a time when I was feeling like a complete failure in the relationship department. But there was a BIG problem happening… We’d talk a couple of weeks then he’d literally disappear only to resurface months later with new words that would once again touch my heart. We’d reconnect and then he’d disappear again. My heart would break every time this happened. I was in love with this man and I wanted to see him again. But every time we scheduled a time to meet, he would cancel at the last minute leaving me angry, frustrated, and disappointed. He finally said yes. But when we met, his actions were so different from the words he’d spoken nightly on the phone with me. Talking on the phone, he’d been so warm and open. In-person, he was cool and distant. I remember thinking where was that man I’d fallen in love with and who was this man standing right in front of me? Well shortly after this little meet and greet, he disappeared again breaking my heart once more. Now, you might ask, “why in the world did I let this go on?” At the time, I wasn’t a Love Coach and Dating Expert. I didn’t understand that I was falling in love with the fantasy I’d created based on the hollow words he’d shared with me every night. This was a HUGE LESSON for me. I learned words are cheap and very easy to fall for, especially when you feel vulnerable, lonely, or wounded in some way. Words can blind you and keep you from seeing a man’s faults especially when they are soothing open emotional wounds. A good man who really loves you will follow his words up with action. His actions are what make him worthy of being with you! Now it’s your turn. Have you ever known a man like Paul? Post below how he made you feel and if you are still in a relationship with him today. I look forward to hearing your comments. Believing in you! Hugs~ Love this article? Sign up by clicking here to receive my weekly blog. Copyright© 2021 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved. On February 24, 2021   /   Companionship after 50, Dating Challenges after 50, Dating Mistakes after 50, Mindset after 50, Mistakes Women Make Dating After 50, Relationships after 50  

Chemistry is one of those things that almost seems mystical. And if you don’t know what you’re looking for, you might not know if you have chemistry in relationship. Everybody talks about chemistry. And it is really important. All the pieces fit – just right… If you don’t have chemistry in your relationship, chances are your passion will just flicker and die out. You need that special spark between you two keep the flame alive. It’s a bit of an overused metaphor, but it’s really true. Without passion, your relationship will feel like buddies or friends, not lovers. What IS Chemistry? First, let’s talk about what chemistry is. Because the more it’s a mystery to you, the more likely you’re going to make a mistake. The simplest definition of chemistry is that it’s physical attraction to another person. It’s a definite sexual connection that happens early in the relationship. There are two different kinds of chemistry: REAL and temporary. REAL chemistry is the kind of chemistry where you have a genuine click between you. It’s when you feel a certain special something that you can’t put into words. And even though this means you have a connection, it doesn’t mean you’re soulmates or you are meant to be together. In fact, a lot of the time this chemistry can cover up a lot of severe incompatibilities between you. But REAL chemistry lasts! It won’t fade away (at least not for quite some time.) And it’s a very necessary part of your long term relationship. The other kind of chemistry is temporary. This is where you may have been under the influence, or one or both of you was emotionally compromised. The end result being that you wind up in bed or intimate with each other, and then later on down the road you discover it was just a momentary thing between you. Not real. This kind of chemistry is only a problem if you try to build a relationship on top of it. This Foundation won’t hold up unless you find stronger stuff for the base. The Dangers of Having TOO MUCH Chemistry Look, let’s be real. Sometimes chemistry pushes you into a decision you didn’t mean to make. If you’ve ever had a one-night stand, you know what I mean. This can be just as lethal as the temporary kind of chemistry where you are under the influence. You can be under the influence of a passionate connection. But again, it doesn’t mean that your relationship is going to stand the test of time. Sometimes the chemistry can cover up a lot of broken parts. Another piece of the puzzle is that you need to have emotional chemistry. This is the kind of chemistry that makes you attracted to him not just for the physical part, but for the real spiritual connection between you. Do you have chemistry in your relationship? There are definite signs you can look for that tell you if you have chemistry. I will outline them for you here, and you can see if your relationship has any of them. Just keep in mind that – just because you have a sign of chemistry – this doesn’t mean that your relationship is guaranteed to succeed. Or that you should force it to succeed. Not every relationship should survive. It can be difficult to deal with if you don’t know how to handle the emotional hurt of a breakup. But clinging to a relationship that isn’t meant to be is a far worse mistake. As you might be aware, chemistry is not the same thing as compatibility. Let’s talk about some love and chemistry tips that will help you understand this better: Love & Chemistry Tip #1: Love Is Not Chemistry And chemistry is not love. Getting these two confused is a source of problems for many people. Love is a connection that forges between two people over time. Having good chemistry doesn’t mean it’s love… Chemistry is something you feel pretty quickly. The problem arises when we mistake chemistry as love. I will talk more about this in a bit. Love & Chemistry Tip #2: Chemistry Is Sometimes Lust I have to put this out there. Sometimes physical chemistry is just a great excuse to get physical with someone. It can be hard to resist. But if you have physical chemistry, you also need to cultivate a certain amount of self-control and self-discipline. Because if you start with physical chemistry, you can very easily turn that into a relationship if you find that you’re compatible. I’ve had plenty of experiences with physical chemistry turning into very temporary relationships. Mostly because I didn’t show more restraint at jumping into bed with her. Which is why YOU must be careful about your moving too quickly! Love & Chemistry Tip #3: Chemistry is Sometimes CO-DEPENDENCE Codependency is a bad word in psychological circles. It’s not used as much anymore, because people tend toward other terms for it. But it’s still valid. Codependency is when a person relies on the emotional connection to their partner or the relationship in an unhealthy way. They feel as if they can’t survive without their partner and draw most of their self-worth and self-esteem from that person or the relationship. Sometimes these relationships can go really bad. But the important thing to understand is whether or not you’re in an unhealthy relationship with a man. If you feel like you can’t break free from the relationship, or you have psychological connections that you can’t break on your own, you probably should seek some outside professional help. Love & Chemistry Tip #4: Chemistry is Sometimes Just Your Shared Purpose Friends can have great chemistry, too. There are plenty of examples where people have met and connected because of their shared circumstance. Maybe they were both in rehab, or recovery. Sometimes you work closely together and mistake this for chemistry. The passion you share on a project might imitate a romantic connection. Some people meet at a Tony Robbins seminar, or some other kind of self-help conference and feel a thin connection because of this. That’s why it’s important to look at the circumstances around how you met him and make sure they weren’t extraordinary. Love & Chemistry Tip #5:  Beware of “Destiny” As Chemistry It’s a common misunderstanding that when we feel a strong connection to someone that it must mean a spiritual connection is there. You might think that you have a connection in a past life, or there is some kind of new age explanation for this feeling you have. While this is certainly possible, the more likely explanation is something more realistic. What you have to watch out for is how quickly you look to a mystical explanation as opposed to a real life explanation. Don’t attribute any “ feeling” you might have for a guy immediately as being a sign that you are meant to be. Whether this is a feeling you are “soulmates” or “twin flames” or whatever. Love & Chemistry Tip #6: Chemistry is sometimes a combination of ingredients Just like any good recipe, The Love Potion you think of as chemistry has a lot of different ingredients in it. The right mix can create amazing chemistry… Here are just a few: Similarity:  It’s a widely known fact that people feel a connection to people that seem similar to them.  Sometimes this can be misunderstood as being a kind of spiritual connection. Just remember that just because he seems similar to you in many ways, this doesn’t mean he will be a good fit for a relationship. Familiarity: Very often this feeling that a guy seems so “familiar” to you can be misunderstood as being a kind of spiritual connection because of the weird “deja vu” sensation you feel around him. Don’t be blinded by notions of “mystical romance.” Contrary: Sometimes you mistake a man who is so different from your last boyfriend as being a special connection or chemistry. In reality, you may have had a really bad relationship with someone, and you find yourself seeking the opposite in a guy.  If you’ve ever heard yourself say ”He’s nothing like (ex boyfriend)! It feels so good!” you may be making a mistake about this. Mysterious:  We are all attracted to mystery. The unknown. Maybe it’s because you had so many other guys who unloaded their life story in the first two hours of your first date. But when you meet a guy who seems quietly confident because he doesn’t talk about his past, you might find yourself intrigued. You might find his mysteriousness feels like chemistry. Earnest & Sincere: Our primitive brains are always checking to make sure that the person we’re talking to seems truthful. Honest. And the more sincere and eager he seems, the more you will interpret this to mean something special. So watch for his sincerity! Scents: A little unknown fact is that odors actually indicate certain kinds of compatibility. And yes, how someone smells can trigger that feeling of chemistry between you! (After all, that’s how most women choose the perfumes they wear.) There’s a lot of complicated biology here, but you may find a lot of subconscious decisions are made about who you feel chemistry with. Humor: One of the most consistent indicators of Attraction is how much a woman finds a guy funny. If he makes you laugh, you will probably feel a strong chemistry with him. (But also stay alert! Keep in mind that this is one of the easiest ways for a guy to fool you!) Love & Chemistry Tip #7: Stay grounded The more you seem confident and relaxed – AND the more he seems confident – the more likely you will find each other attractive. And yes, you’ll also feel undeniable chemistry with each other. This is because confidence and security in ourselves transmits energy. One of the best thing you can do is to keep yourself relaxed and calm with any guy you meet. The connection will feel more real and the chemistry will follow. Love & Chemistry Tip #8: Curiosity is Contagious The number one enemy of chemistry is fear. And the opposite of fear is curiosity. Think about it: If you’re curious and seeking understanding, you can’t be afraid. And that’s the best attitude you can bring to any relationship! A couple things you can do: Share your own stories that match his stories. Ask questions that bring out details of him and his life Stay curious about him. And stay curious about your relationship. The more we discover about each other, the more chemistry we create. Love & Chemistry Tip #9: Understand Body Language Do you know how to read a man’s signals…? One of the most powerful tools for creating chemistry is understanding and using body language to your benefit. Do you know the signals that men give off that say he’s interested? Do you know how to mirror him to bring out attraction? Do you know what men are looking for in your body language? It’s vitally important to understand how to use your posture, your eyes, and every part of you to generate chemistry with him. We lost touch with our bodies and understanding how to use them this way. Body language signals work on a subconscious frequency with men. That’s why it’s one of the most important methods. Love & Chemistry Tip #10: Chemistry is Compounding! The reality is that chemistry is created by multiple factors coming together. It’s rarely just one thing. When you can stack body language with curiosity with some of the other factors I’ve talked about in these tips, you can create undeniable attraction with almost any man. The more of these tips you use, the better your connection and chemistry will be. And the romance will just flow naturally. Here are the signs you have chemistry in your relationship… Chemistry Sign #1: There were Sparks right off the bat This is probably the most obvious one. When you meet a guy and you feel that click right off the bat – almost instantly. Fireworks? Or chemistry? In fact, it’s almost hard to keep your hands off him. And this is where the problem usually starts. Because you have such a strong physical connection, you’re more likely to dive into a relationship with this guy than just leaving it as a hook up. Or a short-term Romance. There’s nothing wrong with either of them. Until you try and forge a relationship out of something that doesn’t have the potential. That’s when you find out there’s nothing there. And you can’t build a lasting love from a casual spark. However, this next sign might confuse you: Sign #2: Maybe there weren’t sparks right off the bat… Sometimes the chemistry doesn’t show up on that all-important first date. It can happen. But if you were fortunate enough to decide to go for a second date, just to give it another try – or maybe you were desperate, hey –  you might have found that you did have some physical attraction. Sometimes the chemistry doesn’t show up instantaneously. That’s okay. That’s why I always advise women to give a guy at least a second chance. (But if the chemistry doesn’t show up on that second date, it’s probably not going to show up on the 3rd. So let it die out right there.) Sign #3: The compatibility shows up too… Sometimes you get lucky and hit it out of the park: You feel not only that ZING When you’re with him but you also feel that you two have a lot in common. This is an excellent sign and it’s one that you should focus on. Again, this doesn’t mean that your relationship is destined for heaven or even marriage. But it gives you two of the most important building blocks of a relationship: Attraction and compatibility. Sign #4: In the Body… As I mentioned earlier, body language is essential for creating chemistry. If you see signs of Attraction from his body language, pay attention. Men broadcast their interest in you in many different ways. His body language will be the easiest one for you to spot. Sign #5: You Both Like Seinfeld Okay, maybe you don’t both like just Seinfeld, but if you share the same favorite comedians, that’s a big sign. When we share a sense of humor, we immediately share a very basic level of connection and chemistry. It’s one of the best signs that this person is a good fit for you. So if you like the same comedy movies, comedians, cartoons – whatever, this is a good sign that you have chemistry. Sign #6: You find it easy to be honest… One of the important signs of chemistry is that communication just seems to flow. You’ll probably find it easy to talk about things that are slightly embarrassing with him. What this means is that you don’t fear this connection or a loss of affection by being vulnerable. Which is essential for your future communication. If you find yourself revealing stuff from your past with him, and it’s not due to alcohol consumption, there’s a good chance your chemistry is solid. And this sign also speaks to your compatibility. Sign #7: You just can’t keep your hands to yourself… Yeah, sometimes the sexual chemistry just manages to override everything. You can’t keep your hands off each other, and any chance you get you are jumping in bed. You know this kind of wild monkey love, don’t you? Now, of course this particular sign of chemistry is one of the ones we don’t want to question. Because it feels so good, you just want to enjoy it. Don’t confuse sex with chemistry. But you have to be careful because it can also be one of the most misleading when it comes to starting a real relationship. If the physical part of your romance overshadows the rest – especially if it’s too early – you can very easily derail the train of Love. There’s a balance you have to strike when you start dating a guy you have a strong chemistry with. And it’s even more important – because you know how hard it is to find a guy you have that kind of physical connection with! How do you avoid the mistakes so you don’t ruin the chemistry between you? How do make sure the spark of desire doesn’t fade out? How do make sure you don’t wind up just a “friends with benefits”? Where he just calls you at 2:00 AM to “come hang out…”? Let’s face it: Most women do not get the kind of success they deserve with men. To put it bluntly, most women don’t do very well with men. Even when she gets a boyfriend, all you see is how deeply disconnected the two of them are. (I’m sure you’ve sensed this around a lot of couples. I know I have…) You want a REAL relationship. A heartfelt connection with a man that you can TRUST in! To do this, you gotta have a powerful CONNECTION with him. UN-breakable Connection! There’s a simple trick to getting him to feel like you’re the One for him – just based on the power of your connection to him. Where you never have to worry about him getting bored of you (or the relationship…) You’ll never have to fear him falling for another woman… I just put the finishing touches on a video presentation that explains this Secret To Connection to you… Go watch it now! DISCOVER THE SECRETS OF UNBREAKABLE CONNECTION HERE

Life gives us unexpected lessons at every turn — which means that even your ideal relationship could turn sour. Maybe you’ve had to accept a tough reality: She said she was unhappy and left me. Now what? If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Experts say women are more likely to be unhappy in relationships, especially marriages. Regardless, I hope my story can help you. Though I’ve been with my partner Tom for almost nine years, I went through a period where I became somewhat unhappy with our relationship and actually took a break from it to find myself. I went on a 40-day vision quest this summer, where I traveled to Colorado and Wisconsin. During this time, Tom and I were broken up, though we both hoped to get back together and I didn’t move anything out of our home. Sometimes other people’s stories can help us figure out our own lives. So I’m going to share the reasons why I left and how we navigated the process. If She Said She Was Unhappy, Consider These Factors This isn’t meant to be a prescription for happiness. But working through these issues did help Tom and I. Hopefully they can make a difference for you, too. See if any of these factors could have contributed to your girlfriend saying she was unhappy. (As they say in recovery, simply take whatever you can use and leave the rest.) 1. Losing the “Spark” In long-term relationships, it’s easy to stop planning date nights and to take your partner for granted, especially when you’re around each other 24/7. Mystery is the key to sexual tension and it’s especially hard to have any during Corona, when you’re living and working together. This is a common problem that probably everyone struggles with. To combat this, I enrolled in my own sex coaching program to learn more about my own sexuality and to explore strategies that could improve desire with my partner. I also learned that I needed to communicate more with my partner about my sexual wants and needs. Some of my wants were scary to talk about, as I’d always been taught to hide that part of myself. But through coaching and working with a counselor, I was able to gain enough confidence to articulate the things I liked, even though I knew they weren’t the same as what he liked. This helped us to begin exploring new avenues that made intimacy exciting again. It’s a continual work-in-progress but in my life, I’ve found that when things aren’t working and I don’t know how to fix them, then it’s time to call in the experts. If you’re interested in learning more about sex coaching, check out this article. 2. Fear of Commitment Women can fear commitment just like many men do. Coming from a divorced household, I’m terrified of getting divorced myself. That said, I’m almost nine years into my relationship. I’m also 34, the age when it’s nearing the end for baby-making. Fear of divorce paired with impending motherhood is a lot to stomach all at once. I know in a lot of ways, it’s do-or-die time. The fear of failure makes me want to run away from the possibility of it, which is a huge reason (subconsciously speaking) why I left. Luckily, years of working with my own team of coaches and counselors helped me to identify my inner saboteur. Finally, I saw more clearly what my subconscious mind has been doing. Tom has also been really wonderful. He’s a rock. His support and secure attachment kept us afloat throughout the process. Even while I “acted out” all over the place, he held the vision of what he believed we could be. This helped me to see it, too. If you’re dating a woman who’s doing what I did, hold tight. Keep holding that vision of what you believe you can be together. Demonstrate secure attachment, communicate openly and honestly, and let her know when she’s hurting you. Try to understand what’s happening for her and if possible, go to couples counseling. 3. The Ex When her ex comes back into the picture, she may suddenly say she’s unhappy in the relationship. But it could be happening for a reason. Example: A man I dated right before Tom suddenly reached out one day. Back when I first met this man, it was love at first sight. So when he came back, I was torn. Why would the universe send someone I loved so strongly back while I was in a relationship with someone else? My guilt over loving more than one man was a huge reason why I temporarily ended things with Tom. I felt as though the feelings I was having were “wrong.” However, in the end, the process taught me that I’m polyamorous. Realizing this truth was difficult because my partner wasn’t and didn’t want to be. So I’m still learning how to navigate that reality. It will likely continue to evolve in order to help me better understand myself. Needless to say, things with the ex who came back unraveled quickly. It reminded me why we’d never been able to make it work long-term in the past. But here’s the thing. Communicating with my ex, rather than just blocking the connection, allowed me to compare him with Tom. That made me feel so much more grateful for the kind and thoughtful things Tom does, and for the way he makes me feel safe, loved, and supported. I took these things for granted before. If you’re going through this with your girlfriend, be patient. Understand that she might need to explore this old relationship in order to learn more about herself and fully choose you. So give her a little space to do it. 4. Predictability Predictability in a relationship is fine for someone who hates change or prefers a ton of structure, but it can wreak havoc on the adrenaline junkie who looks for novelty at every turn — or the addict who always looks to escape. This was definitely me. I live for the thrill of the adrenaline rush. I love that feeling of risk and the reward that comes with it. Probably because I grew up in a chaotic environment and I learned that risk and uncertainty were part of life. They seem to have become woven into my DNA. Corona made our life more predictable than usual in a lot of ways. The combination of being with the same person for so long, paired with the monotony of Corona-living made the thrill-seeker in me want to shake things up. As I’ve been going through recovery, I also learn that I love to escape. Drinking used to be my escape, but I’d stopped and no longer had a way to deal with uncomfortable feelings. So when the predictability of our relationship became too much to handle, I escaped to Colorado to avoid dealing with it. If you’re dating a woman with a drinking problem or any other kind of addiction, ask her to go to a meeting. Do it repeatedly. It’s hard for us to hear when we’re deep in the addiction, but say it anyway. Tom did this, and I went into recovery. Tom and I also got sponsors. Tom’s sponsor explained that it was very normal for me to want to escape the relationship and suggested that Tom hold on until I’d been sober at least 90 days. My sponsor also advised that I not make any huge changes in the first year of recovery. This advice was really priceless. Without it, I don’t know if we would’ve gotten back together. So, if you’re in a similar situation, get help. It’s not an easy process but it is worthwhile. 5. Feeling Trapped If your girlfriend said she was unhappy and left, she might have felt trapped. Feeling trapped can happen at any point in a relationship. It happened for Tom when I first moved into his apartment. It happened the first week we got our new puppy. It’s likely to happen again when we get married and have kids. Feeling trapped is common and normal. It’s just another thing you have to work through. I didn’t realize this at first, which was another reason why I left. I was afraid of the idea of being “trapped” with someone, especially after discovering that I’m a polyamorous person in a monogamous relationship. But this isn’t a reason to abort the relationship; it’s just an opportunity to create a new framework for what you do have. When Tom feels trapped, we strategize ways for him to find his own space, take a trip with the guys, get away for a few days, etc. I stopped feeling as trapped when I shared my discovery that I was polyamorous with Tom. Being able to communicate, especially about those challenging topics, can be a game-changer. But it’s still not easy. We’ve had several arguments. The good news is, they always allow us to better understand each other and to explore new ways of handling things. So, don’t be afraid if she says she feels trapped. Communicate how you’re feeling while doing your best to give her the space you need. 6. Loss of Identity Especially if you’ve been with your partner for a long time, you can almost start to forget who you are as an individual. Maybe that’s why she said she was unhappy and left you. This was the case for me. Tom and I had spent so many years together that the music we listened to, the movies we watched, the time we went to bed — all of it — had become a sort of compromise. We’d learned how to accommodate each together so well that it had become unclear who we were separately. Taking time apart allowed me to see what I did on my own. And the ways I spent my time were largely different when I was alone. This helped me to remember what was important to me and why I’d gotten into the relationship in the first place. It’s important to maintain our own sovereignty in romantic relationships. If a woman you’re dating or in a relationship with is asking for this, honor it. It will be good for both of you. 7. Self-Doubt If the woman you’re dating often asks you why you love her, that can be a sign that she’s started to feel unworthy of your love. She may even decide she’s unhappy and leave because of it. While it has nothing to do with you, it can be unsettling, because you know you can’t “prove” your love. This one is tough for me to admit, but one of the reasons I left was because I didn’t feel I deserved Tom. In recovery, you uncover a lot of less-than-ideal truths about yourself. You face all the wrongs we’ve done and the bad behavior you’ve made our partners put up with. Once you see that, it can be difficult to understand why someone else would love you. But self-discovery often brings up periods of self-doubt. Eventually, you come to realize your negative thoughts about yourself aren’t true. So expect some turbulence if she says she’s unhappy. Give her time and space to work through the steps while showing her that you love her. Even If She Said She Was Unhappy, Don’t Give Up Hearing someone you care about say they’re unhappy and want to leave can be heartbreaking. It can drive you to extremes. So here’s my final advice: Don’t be a doormat… but don’t give up on love, either. Especially if you’ve been together through thick and thin already. You can bring your relationship back to a better place. You also can choose to let it go, but only you know in your heart what is right. Trust your feelings. If you do decide to get back out there and date (or, if you’re still looking for that special someone) do reach out to me. While I can’t promise a perfect relationship, we can find the perfect person for you.

3 Tips for Overcoming Some of The Biggest Challenges that Show Up in Over 50’s Dating Let’s be honest here . . . no one was born knowing how to date so when challenges come up, you may not know what to do. In today’s blog, I’m going to share 3 tips for how to handle 3 of these challenges that can make dating a lot easier for you. So let’s get started. Tip #1 . . . He shows up but he’s not who you thought he was  How many times have you looked at a man’s profile and thought for sure he was the one? Yet when you met, he was nothing like the guy you saw online or spoke with on the phone. Here’s why this could be happening to you. Between the time you’ve seen a man’s profile and the time you finally meet, chances are you’ve imagined what life with this new guy might be like. What you’re doing is creating a story about who you think he is based on his profile and pictures, some emails or texts, and a phone call or two. And when you meet, the story you created doesn’t match up to the man who shows up. I see this happen over and over again to women. It’s why I recommend going on a date with the intention of meeting someone new and interesting. No expectations. No creative stories about who he might be. If you do this, it will save you a lot of heartache and frustration! Tip #2 . . . Coffee, Drinks or Dinner on a meet and greet I’m often asked the question, “Should I do coffee or meet for dinner if it’s a meet and greet?” Here’s my answer . . . Coffee or drinks gives you a fairly quick out if you need one. If things are going well, you can always continue getting to know each other over dinner. Sitting down for a long meal with someone you don’t know;  while having to be at your best with someone you’ve never met; can be exhausting if the date’s not going well. Both ways work. Just have exit strategies in place in case the date starts heading south. Tip #3 . . .  Handling rejection I know it feels like rejection when you don’t get a second date you really want. What used to help me get over this need to be loved by everyone including the men I really had no interest in was to remember this mantra . . . He’s not personally rejecting you. You just don’t match the picture of who he thinks he wants in his life. You’ve probably done the same thing with many of the men you’ve met. Think of all the guys you’ve turned down because they didn’t fit your picture of Mr. Right. As tempting as it is, promise me you won’t write, text, or call him if the date doesn’t work out. Move on to the next guy because your goal is to have someone who wants you in his life. These are the types of issues that come up in over 50’s dating and they can drive you crazy when you have nowhere to turn for answers. You don’t have to figure out over 50’s dating on your own anymore. The Love after 50 Group Coaching Program is filled with amazing women just like you who have been successful in life but are struggling with love. As a member of the Find Love After 50 Group, you’ll be getting all the tools you need to find the right man along with the support you want to make your dream come true. Interested? If so, let’s set up a time to talk about how this may be the solution you’ve been looking for in your love life.  Just click here to set up a time for us to chat. Here’s what’s been happening in Susie’s life since joining the Love after 50 Coaching Group . . . I am now with my honey for a bit over 6 months and he just took me to a jewelry store and had me pick out a ring for Valentine’s day! Not an engagement ring but a diamond ring to show I am “taken”. Engagement later! Not quite ready yet. Thanks, Lisa Copeland. He makes me so happy. Susie, Colorado Hugs~ Love this article? Sign up by clicking here to receive my weekly blog. Copyright© 2021 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved. On February 18, 2021   /   Companionship after 50, Dating After 50, Dating Challenges after 50, Dating Mindset after 50, Meeting Men Over 50, Mindset after 50, Mistakes Women Make Dating After 50, Relationship potential after 50, Relationships after 50, Successful Single Women over 50  

 There’s a Movie That Will Make Her Horny… And You’ll Both Be Naked Before the Popcorn is Gone Click Here to Discover the Subtle 3-Touch Sequence That Gets Her Soaking Wet, Naked & On Top of You In Bed… Relationships are tricky. There are so many steps: meeting a woman, first dates, third dates, keeping things fresh… Every step of the way is filled with landmines: Go this direction, and BOOM — she blows up. Go that direction, KAPOW! your sex life is boring and stale… What if I told you there’s one movie you can watch with a hot girl that has all the answers? TRENDING: These 3 Tinder Secrets Get Hot Girls to Come Over & Hookup… Dating… attraction… love… romance… flirting… this movie will brush up on all of those skills. I make all my clients watch it, almost as a master class in dating. And the best part…  you can learn so much from watching it alone… But if you watch it with a woman, she finds it so hot… it’s almost like watching porn… though given that Scarlett Johanson and Penelope Cruz are in it… it’s unfortunately NOT porn. 🙁 Every time I have watched this movie with a woman, we have had sex before the movie ended. Every. Single. Time. Watch the video to find out what this movie is… and how it can even help you start the conversation about having a threesome: Catch The Full Video Transcript Below… Vicky Cristina Barcelona.   Vicky Cristina Barcelona.  Remember the name of this movie; it is one of the best movies I have ever seen.  Everyone who comes to my workshop, I make them watch this movie.  If you want to learn dating, if you want to master your attraction skills, your love skills, your romance skills, or your flirting skills:  This is the movie to watch.   Keep scrolling for more details on the #1 movie that will make her horny… I love this movie, because in this movie, they show two couples going through a romantic journey and you see a complete contrast.  One couple, who’s all business-y they’re always talking about business. And the dates are boring as hell.  On the other side, a different couple is enjoying their life. They go out and have picnics, paint together, they do things together, and they have a nice romantic, fun life….  On top of that, that is something very interesting you see in that movie, that is Scarlett Johansson’s relationship. You see that her relationship with her ex husband is full of conflict– and then they find a balance when a new person comes into their life.  So when you watch a movie like this, you start to realize that relationships take place in many different forms.  There is no one way there is no right or wrong way.  And your thoughts about how to handle your dealings with women change.  Your expectations about love, relationships, and sex, completely changes.  It did that for me. And it did that for most of my clients who have watched this movie.  Make Her Dream About a Threesome… Tonight Another good thing about this movie is if you are ever dating a woman, and for some reason have stalled, (she likes you but somehow that sexual tension is dying and the sex is not happening) make sure you sit and watch this movie with her.  It’s happened to me on a few occasions where things have stalled, things were just not going anywhere. We were together not knowing what’s coming next, not knowing what we should do next.  Every time I watched this movie with them, sex happened before the movie ended.  And it’s because when you watch this movie, you see so many liberating themes. The guy approaches a girl and says straightaway, “Let’s go and make love.” THE LATEST: 3 Secret “Touch Tricks” That Get Hot Girls Soaking Wet, Naked & On Top of You In Bed! And then there are amazing love making scenes to a point where it’s almost like porn to women. I have had a woman sitting next to me watching this say: “What are we watching? This feels like porn…”  And they get aroused…  When women watch this movie they experience a mental shift.  They can change when they start a new relationship, and that a new relationship can happen in many ways.  So whatever obstacles they had in their mind, whatever objection that was holding them back — it disappears because this movie. The subject matter of this movie frees them to become more willing to cross the boundaries, to take the chance to try something new… and your relationship takes off. Also this is a great movie to watch if you’re someone who wants to explore open relationships, swinging, or threesome. This movie shows you that love does not have to be traditional.  You can still be with someone, really love them, and explore other possibilities. Bring in other people into the mix, be with other people, and your love can be intact.  In fact, the movie conveys that often, having other people into the mix can make your relationship come to life and make it much stronger.  It has many great themes that can help your relationship and any and every aspect that you’re dealing with.  I highly recommend you watch this movie.  You’re going to learn a lot about dating & relationships.  And you can use this to jumpstart your existing relationship. You can watch this movie and it will strengthen your bonds.  It will help you both open up more relaxed around each other overall, you’re going to benefit in many, many ways.  If She’s Not Making the First Move… Do THIS to Move Things Forward… So if for some reason she still seems cold or a little “distant” when you watch this movie… (maybe she’s really tired or had a long day at work for example)… Try touching her like this ← Believe it or not… women need “green lights” to keep escalating to sex too. Like if you’re not pushing forward toward sex… a lot of women think: “I really want to have sex with him… am I not attractive enough? Why isn’t he going for it?” Now this isn’t “I wish he’d feel me up and unzip my pants while the opening credits are rolling…” It takes a little bit of finesse… and often times the most successful touches? Are really kinda “friendly” and “under-the radar”… and not so “overt.” Well… at least at first. There’s a very specific order of touches that does get a girl really hot-and-bothered… enough to where she’ll unzip you… take you out… and (sometimes) start giving you a hummer within 30 minutes of the movie starting… So if THAT sounds like something you’re interested in… some very “friendly” touches that turn things really sexual with a hot girl, REALLY fast… I made a free video showing you how to do them right here: 3 “Turn-On Touches” That Result in Fast Sex With Hot Girls P.S. – Remember how I mentioned that the order of these touches is crucial? Yeah–I’ll show you the correct order and how to do each touch in the video–click here to watch it now… Share this…

 Why Women Act Hot and Cold… It’s Not You (And How to Change Their Behavior to Hot and Hot) Click Here Now to Discover the Secret Signs She’s H*rny And Wants to Go Home With You… I think almost every guy has experienced this: (I know I have — too many times to count unfortunately lol.) You meet a hot girl and it seems like it’s going great… and then she slams the brakes. She’s texting you back flirty texts… and then she goes totally silent for days.   RELATED: 7 Raunchy-As-Hell Sexts That Get Her to Come Over & Strip Down Naked For You… Steamy hot and then icy cold.   Yes, yes yes… and then hell no. What is going on with her? Is she crazy? Here’s what I’ve learned…  the whole thing of going hot and then cold is normal behavior for women.  It’s not you.   And instead of hating it or resenting it… you should welcome it., you should welcome it… In this video, I’ll let you in on WHY women behave this way, WHY it’s actually a good thing, and exactly how to turn that behavior around: Catch The Full Video Transcript Below… In today’s video, I want to speak about women going hot and cold.  It’s a question I get a lot from guys. I think it’s something that frustrates a lot of men, because men typically don’t think in this way or behave in this way.  However, the whole thing of going hot and then cold and hot and cold is kind of a normal occurrence in female behavior.  There’s various reasons for that… Women tend to be more in touch with their feelings, their feelings are also affected by their hormone cycle.  It’s really important to understand that this is not something wrong with women, it’s not an error in their design.  And in fact, if you want to connect with women, it’s something that you need to learn how to approve of and engage with.  How to Get Past the Cycle of Hot and Then Cold Obviously, women have this on different levels, such as in initial interactions, early dates or when you’re meeting a woman for the first time.  You know, where at first they seem interested and then they’re totally not interested.  I’m going to share with you how to overcome that and progress things naturally, instinctively, towards physical intimacy.  Keep scrolling to find out exactly why women act hot and cold… I actually discussed this with one of my clients recently, and he provides a great example: He was with a woman who is more attractive than he’s used to interacting with, and it was going well. BRAND-NEW: 3 Secret “Touch Tricks” That Get Her Soaking Wet, Naked & On Top of You In Bed (Even If You’re “Just Friends” Right Now)! In an effort to escalate things sexually, he invited her back to his place. He felt that this was the right time and this is what he was feeling.  However it was pretty early on in their interaction, and I think her mind probably was like, “Whoa, Like, this guy’s invited me back to his place already… like this is kind of weird.”  So she simply teased him and then pulled back. [adning id=”11083″] But Because He Knew What to Do, the Night Didn’t End There… When you make a bold move like that, you’re leaving yourself vulnerable for rejection.  You’re leaving yourself vulnerable for her making fun of you.  And the thing that my client did really well, is that he did not get affected.  He was like, okay, and he carried on.  A lot of guys, when they get rejected, or they experience coldness from a woman that they’re with, they will make it about them.  They’ll get butthurt if they think they completely ruined the entire interaction… They run away.  They think: “Oh, she didn’t respond positively, I must have done something wrong. I made a wrong move and this interaction is totally ruined.” That’s not true with women.  In fact, this is part of the dance in the human mating ritual. Especially with high self esteem women, women who’ve been hit on a ton since they were young. Women who are constantly getting attention from men have developed this as a defense mechanism.  They’re not going to welcome every bit of sexual attention, because they don’t know what the guy is going to do when they let them in.  They don’t necessarily want to be vulnerable with everyone.  In Order to Score, You Gotta Take a Shot In the beginning guys are typically the ones putting themselves out there in a vulnerable situation.  They can get rejected, they can get hurt or whatever.  But… everything after she opens up and says she likes him or sleeps with him or puts herself in an emotionally vulnerable situation… Everything after that is harder for the woman.  Because when she puts herself in a vulnerable situation, she could get physically hurt, as well as emotionally. (Discover what women really want with this leaked data.) So that going cold sometimes is a very important mechanism for her safety.  The most important thing when you’re dealing with a woman who is going hot and cold, is to make sure you remember what’s actually happening. This is what we mean by being grounded. On a mental level, you need to stay grounded in the face of challenge and adversity.  So check your reality: I am okay. She’s okay. The situation’s okay.  Just because I made this sexual invitation and it wasn’t met with the outcome that I preferred doesn’t mean anything is ruined. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong.  It’s totally okay.  Remember: The Game Isn’t Over (In Fact, It’s Just Getting Started) Let’s keep the sports analogy going:  Just because the other team scores (she went cold) doesn’t mean the game is over.  It doesn’t mean that you have to feel hurt.  It doesn’t mean that you quit.  It’s just something that happened.  You didn’t do anything wrong.  Maybe this wasn’t the thing she wanted to do at that moment.  But you can’t be ashamed, because that’s one of the worst things you can do, if what you say isn’t met positively. You can’t be ashamed of your desire.  Just because you have a desire doesn’t mean that she has the same desire at the same time.  But, you should never feel bad about expressing your desire as long as you’re ok with the answer and are not violating any boundaries.  Hot/Cold Is Good.  Lukewarm/Cold Is Bad. Women can be hard to read. She’s acting hot. Does she want you? For something to become sexual at some point, somebody has to make an explicit move.  It could be literally making a statement of intention like, “Hey, I find you attractive,” or “Hey, I want to kiss you.” Or it might be a physical action that makes it undeniable that that’s your intention: You lean in for a kiss or you touch her in a way that platonic friends don’t touch each other.  That barrier has to be broken at some point.  And if she’s going hot and cold and hot and cold, maybe she’s unsure or whatever.  But it’s important to note, is she actually hot as if she is actually actively engaging back with me?  TRENDING: These 3 Tinder Secrets Will get You Laid Tonight… Or is she just tolerating me, because if that’s the case, it might not be hot/cold, it might be lukewarm/cold, in which case, you’re probably in the friendzone.  But remember, you’re ok, and it’s going to be ok.  You just need to decide how to act next…   Follow Her Lead… All the Way to the Bedroom One principle to remember is that if she’s feeling cold, or she’s pulling away… don’t pull at her.  You’re gonna come off as needy.  If she’s acting hot again, and you pull away, because you’re trying to make some power game, she’s gonna be like, what the hell?  Why is this guy punishing me for giving him attention? She’s gonna lose interest.  So you always want to be going in the direction that she’s going:  If she’s hot, make things even hotter.  If she’s cold, make things a little colder.  By doing this, you are leading her in the direction that she already wants to go, which shows you’re really paying attention to her feelings.  It also makes the interaction speed up a little bit because now she’s not the only one driving it. When she comes in, you’re actually making it come in more. And when she goes out, you’re actually giving her even more space than she needed.  And that way she always will feel safe, and it’s also a more engaging and interesting way to interact with people.  Here’s Why Hot & Cold Is Actually a GOOD Thing… Hot/cold behavior is something that many guys experience with women because it’s totally normal behavior for women.  There are many reasons why a woman might give you this hot and cold behavior, partly because she’s doing this to protect herself, partly because women are emotionally driven.  But as a man who dates women, it’s really important to understand this.  Remember to stay grounded, not go on the ride of going back and forth yourself. Maintain the reality in your mind that things are okay: I’m just stating my desire, I’m engaging. THE LATEST: This Simple Card Game Makes Any Woman Fall Deeply in Love With You (Click Here to Get It For FREE)! The thing that will make her feel even more comfortable and happy and safe and able to surrender is that when she’s hot, make things even hotter, when she’s cold, make things even colder.  If you ever go against the grain, she’s just gonna throw things off.  You want to make sure you’re always leading her in the direction that she’s going because that’s what’s going to lead to physical intimacy. Don’t forget: Hot & cold is good, because if she wasn’t interested in you at all, she’d be cold & cold and walk away. The next thing you want, is for her to spend MORE time hot than cold… 3 “Shocking Touches” That Make Her Hot For You… There is one final “secret weapon” you can use… and when you do it often makes a girl much more “hot” than “cold” for you… It’s these 3 “Shocking Touches” that are really stealthy… but designed to turn her on quickly. These “Shocking Touches” work on hot & cold girls because they take them by surprise… make them let their guard down… and force them to show their true level of interest in you. So if she’s actually interested… then these “Shocking Touches” will make her show her hand really fast. Just be warned: if she is secretly interested in you… then she’ll often want to hookup with you quickly after using these 3 “Shocking Touches”–like within an hour or two. You can get all 3 Shocking Touches (and watch them in action) in this short, free video demonstration: 3 “Shocking Touches” That Reveal Her Feelings For You (& Make Her Act on Them)   Share this…

Here’s what we’re discussing this week in the forums: Friend pretended he’s kissing me and took a picture with me while I was asleep Friend’s Pregnancy Announcement Finding love in these times How Do I Tell My Husband I Have Fallen Out of Love? “No Valentines card or gift” “How Can I Make the Break-up Pain Go Away Quicker?” I love him, but I don’t think I’m in love with him Husband is on Grindr A kind of relationship My boyfriend is still in contact with his ex and he got caught!! Coronavirus/ Covid-19/ At-Home Support Thread Follow along on Facebook and Instagram. If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].

Are you wondering how to spice up your relationship and reignite the flame in the bedroom?  If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, it’s normal for your sex life to feel a little stale and monotonous. You’re way past the honeymoon phase and have probably slipped into a comfortable routine. Don’t worry; we’ve all been there. But there’s no reason why you shouldn’t enjoy the same passion and excitement you did when you just started dating. In this post, I will share my top 17 tips to help you spice up your relationship and get those sparks flying again.  Here’s how to spice up your relationship tonight. [embedded content] 1. Striptease The great thing about doing a striptease is that you don’t even have to get completely naked. It’s the anticipation of you getting naked that turns your guy on. The slower you go, the more excited he’ll get. Practical Tips If you’ve never done a striptease, practice a few times, so you feel comfortable. DON’T judge yourself! Trust me: your man will appreciate it, even if you don’t have moves like Jagger. Dim the lights and pick some sexy music for your performance. Consider dressing up in something out of the ordinary, like his button-down shirt and gartered stockings underneath. And it’s okay to laugh! You may not be able to keep your Sexy Vixen persona the whole time, but hey, you’re there to have fun. 2. Kiss Everywhere BUT There Another way to spice up your relationship is to build up anticipation before sex. Get on top of your guy and kiss him all over—with one exception. You know where! Start with his lips, gently move to his ear and neck, then down his chest, making a stop at his nipples. Moving down, down, down, bypassing that key area. Even being kissed on his feet can be a turn-on for many men. Practical Tips It can be fun to tease your man by getting close to his man bits, then veering off on your kissing path. But after a while, give the guy a break and reward him. 3. Take Charge If you don’t typically take charge in bed, surprising your man is a sexy way to spice up your relationship. Make it clear that you’re calling the shots and that he’s there to pleasure you. Direct (or command, depending on how bossy you want to get) where he goes and what he does. It’s an incredible turn-on to men. Practical Tips This is an excellent strategy if you’ve had trouble telling your boyfriend what turns you on or how you like to be touched. When you’re in control, he’s listening and ready to do whatever it takes to please you. 4. Tie Him Up There’s just something about the fantasy of being tied up that turns on both men and women. If you’re looking for ways to spice up your relationship tonight but don’t want to go all-in, this is an easy but effective idea. Practical Tips You can use rope, a tie, or long socks, or you can get fancy and order handcuffs (ones designed for play. Not real ones! You don’t want to have to call a locksmith to get him uncuffed!). Take it up a notch and blindfold him while you’re at it. 5. Use Toys You might reserve your sex toys for the time you spend alone, but here’s a reason to bring the toys into the bedroom with your boyfriend. A study showed that couples who reported being satisfied in their relationships and sex were more likely to use sex toys together. So, not only can toys sexually satisfy you, but they can also help strengthen your relationship! Practical Tips Your guy may not know what to do with the toy, so show him how to use it to maximize your arousal. Explore new toys you can buy and play with together. 6. Watch Each Other in the Mirror Watching your partner feel pleasure can bring more pleasure to both of you. If you have a mirror in the bedroom, face it while you have sex (usually, doggie style is best for this) and enjoy the show. Practical Tips Don’t get wrapped up in watching yourself and judging how you look (I know you’re tempted!). Instead, know that he’s loving watching you. Enjoy his looks of pleasure instead. This is guaranteed to help you spice up your relationship tonight.  7. Touch Yourself You may be shy about this one, but trust me: your man will be turned on if he sees you touching yourself. Do this before he’s touched you or even across the room, so he wants to jump in and help you out. Practical Tips You want to be confident in your body to pull this one off. If it feels too embarrassing, don’t force it. There are plenty of other ways to spice up your relationship. 8. Have Sex Somewhere Other Than the Bed Sex in the bed can get boring after a while. Why not mix things up and try it somewhere else like: The kitchen table Your home office The couch Outside (away from prying eyes) The pool (private, not public!) The washing machine The floor Practical Tips Sometimes having sex in unusual places isn’t the most comfortable. Be mindful of possible injuries. Bring a blanket or towel to put under your knees, so they don’t get scraped up. 9. Watch Porn Together If you’re open to the idea of watching porn, why not watch it with your partner? It’s a great way to learn what he likes and get some ideas for moves. Practical Tips You can take turns picking the porn based on what turns you on. Don’t be shy about talking about what you find erotic. The conversation will help spice up your relationship by improving your sex life. 10. Wear Your Sexiest Lingerie Lingerie is incredibly hot for men, and it can boost your confidence just by wearing it. For a special occasion, buy a lacy bra and panties or a more complex lingerie outfit in his favorite color. Practical Tips For extra hotness, whisper that you’re wearing hot lingerie (or even no panties) in the middle of dinner or somewhere he can do absolutely nothing about it. That way, he’s panting in anticipation to get you home. 11. Let Him Look But Not Touch This is another version of you being in control. Seduce him by rubbing him all over and showing off your body, but don’t let him touch you. You can tie him up or even hold his hands above his head. If he touches, punish him! 🙂 Practical Tips This is a powerful way to spice up your relationship and make you feel sexy and confident. You can start across the room (maybe with that striptease or touching yourself) and get closer and closer, forbidding him to touch you until he’s ready to explode. 12. Sext Him A great way to build excitement before you have sex is to send steamy texts. No matter what he’s doing, you’ll be guaranteed a fast response! Practical Tips Keep these at the level you’re comfortable with. You don’t need to send nude photos to be sexy (and in fact, I discourage that). You could send something like: I can’t focus on work. Keep thinking about all the naughty things I’m gonna do to you tonight! Guess what color panties I’m wearing. 🙂 13. Tease Him There are a million ways you can tease a guy, including the kissing tip I already provided. You can also rub against him, getting close to penetration, then pull away. He’ll be pleasantly frustrated, and when you do finally have sex, it will be mind-blowing. Practical Tips There’s a difference between teasing and being cruel. Once he can’t stand the anticipation, give the guy a break and reward him for his patience. 14. Go to a Motel Who says sex has to always happen at home? Stepping out of your usual routine is one of the best ways to spice up your relationship. It can be totally hot to book a cheap motel (or a 5-star hotel if that’s your jam) and get frisky. Practical Tips Surprise him with a night away and have everything planned. You could even have bubbly chilling in the room waiting. 15. Have Sex in a Car Another out-of-the-ordinary place to get it on is the car. Yes, it’s taking you back to college or high school, and yes, having the parking gear in your back isn’t comfortable, but it’s still hella hot. Practical Tips Bonus points if you have an SUV or van and can fully recline. Just make sure you park the car somewhere a police officer isn’t going to tap on the window (talk about flashbacks to the old days!). 16. Bring Out the Whipped Cream Another fun way to spice up your relationship is with food, particularly whipped cream. It’s fun to lick off of one another’s bodies and is a delicious snack to boot. Practical Tips Avoid getting the whipped cream inside your body! 17. Talk Dirty Spice up your relationship tonight by talking dirty to him. Tell him he’s been a bad boy, then tell him exactly what you’ll do to him to punish him. Practical Tips If you’re new to talking dirty, start simply at first. Just tell him what you want him to do to you or what you like. If he responds positively, get more courageous in what you say. Conclusion: Are you ready to spice up your relationship? These are some of my hottest tips to help you spice up your relationship tonight and bring the excitement back into the bedroom.  Are there any other ideas you have to spice things up and unleash your inner sex Goddess? Drop a comment below, ladies.  P.S. A healthy sex life is part of a long and happy relationship. If you haven’t found that yet, enroll in my Little Love Steps program to find the guy of your dreams. Also, if you’d like to join me on a brand new webinar to learn “why men flake, avoid commitment and consistently ghost until they meet a woman who’s following these 7 simple steps”, then register here (it’s 100% free). Share the Love

I exist with a few (okay more than a few) dysfunctional tendencies when in relationships. That’s not to imply I have not had healthy moments when in relationships. However, there are certainly some underlying notions that have emerged which may not be the most productive. One of these happens to be minimizing emotional wants and needs when in romantic relationships. A truly supportive and loving partner, will not (and should not) expect you to minimize your emotional wants and needs, but rather, will uplift you and ensure your wants and needs are met to the best of their abilities. That being said, if you are a lil’ suspish that you may be minimizing your own emotional wants and needs with your current partner then keeping reading for 4 signs you may be minimizing your emotional wants and needs in relationships. Disclaimer: The content within this post is for information purposes only and is not a substitute for talking to a health professional or a counsellor. The content is also not a substitute if you are a victim of domestic abuse or violence. If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse or violence, visit endingviolencecanada.org for a list of service providers across Canada. 1. Chances are, you’ve been minimizing for a while! British psychologist John Bowlby, a pioneer of attachment theory, instilled his belief that our formative early years when we are developing relationships with our caregivers, is when we experience significant growth in how we bond to others. This growth is what we carry with us into subsequent stages throughout our lives. If you suspect you may be minimizing your emotional wants and needs in your adult relationships, start by reflecting on your childhood. It’s where most of our concerns in adulthood tend to stem from. Thanks mom and dad. As a youngster, my mom was consistently keeping up with the demands as a single parent to two kids. My dad had a short temper, often leaving me feeling like I had to walk on eggshells when with him for fear of what I said or did might set him off. I now realize that in an effort to minimize the conflict potentially bubbling up from my dad and to keep things easy for my mom, I began to make myself emotionally smaller in order to lessen my chances of “being a burden” to my parents. Despite no longer needing to make myself emotionally smaller, somewhere in my unconscious mind I continue to do so as an adult with my romantic partners. A question that may help you amidst your self-exploration is: “As a child, what was your sense of emotional needs versus your parent’s reactions?” Were you inclined to behave a certain way as a child in order to ensure your wants and needs were met by caregivers? What was the primary way in which you received love as a child – were your parents expressive in how they showed you affection, or were you made to jump through hoops in order to receive love? Once you’ve reflected, see if you can connect similar dots between your childhood and adult relationships. 2. You Play a Metaphorical Game of Jenga in your Relationships Many of us find ourselves playing a metaphorical game of Jenga in our relationships. Sometimes we find the perfect spot for our blocks while building the tower. Other times, we push (force?) the block into a spot where it doesn’t belong, but try to make it fit anyways without having the tower fall to the ground. Jenga AKA stress level 9000, folks. Perhaps it’s to avoid an argument, or to avoid that nagging feeling inside of you that what is taking place is not lining up with your core beliefs and/or boundaries. Whatever the case may be, to keep things running smoothly with your boo thang, you suppress your own wants and needs in an effort to make things work. You may even conform to the wants and needs of your partner for the sake of keeping the peace. Playing Jenga, can also look like tolerating where you’ve been placed on your partner’s priority list. You know in your heart of hearts, your bae is your numero uno priority, you’re in it to win it. However, questions float through your head as to where you stand with your partner on their list. It’s healthy to be supportive of your partner’s wants, needs and priorities. It’s when you forgo or downplay your wants and needs in order to be supportive of someone else’s, or you force things to work, that could be a potential sign of minimizing. 3. You downplay conflict Conflict in relationships can be healthy and productive, and can bring two people closer together amidst a disagreement. Personally, I’m not a fan of conflict and it can be quite hard for me to express points of conflict within a relationship for fear of rocking the metaphorical boat. On occasion, it goes so far as believing if I bring up a point of conflict, my partner will break up with me.Rather than bring up points of conflict, I tend to suppress them and tolerate them. It’s easy for an outsider looking in to say: “Just communicate your needs, problems or points of conflict to your partner”. However, it’s not always an easy task for someone to communicate that something is bothering them, especially if it has been engrained in them since childhood to shy away from expressing their wants and needs. When you are not used to expressing your emotional wants and needs in healthy, productive ways, you may feel a sense of guilt when eventually you choose to do so. You may even chastise yourself for having brought them up in the first place (as I sometimes do). Try and catch it if you find yourself saying such phrases as “this wasn’t worth bringing up”, “I’m creating problems that aren’t there”, and “I’m only making things more difficult”. Demonstrating self-compassion when attempting to express your emotional wants and needs can create a sense of safety and reassurance within oneself. 4. Your internal struggles manifest themselves externally in unhealthy ways We all know what happens when you add candy pop rocks to Coca-Cola – it fizzes up and explodes! A similar process can occur when we continually disallow our emotional wants and needs to be met. Eventually, we can start to see them erupt externally in unhealthy, unproductive ways. I, like a lot of people, sometimes get upset over little things of no significance when in a relationship. In reality, these insignificant issues tend to add up to larger unconscious issues and points of conflict that haven’t been addressed. As a result, you may begin to resent your partner, or display passive-aggressive behaviors. If you feel like you may be minimizing your emotional wants and needs in your current relationship, it’s important to communicate this to your partner. If therapy is an accessible resource to you, consider seeking guidance from a health professional, prior to having the discussion with your partner. Holding a safe space to have these discussions, whether it’s with a therapist or your partner, while feeling supported and/or loved is especially important. Links:– endingviolencecanada.org – https://endingviolencecanada.org/getting-help-2/– British psychologist John Bowlby – https://www.verywellmind.com/john-bowlby-biography-1907-1990-2795514 Signup for Our Newsletter Share This Article