4 Tips for Trusting Men Again After Being Hurt in the Over 50’s Dating Game
It hurts when a relationship ends especially when betrayal is involved in some way.
When a man has lied to you and betrayed your trust, picking up the pieces and moving forward can feel daunting.
You may feel shame for not having seen the signs that something was amiss.
Or you may feel angry with yourself for having allowed a man into your life who had the capacity to break your heart.
It’s likely you’ve stopped trusting yourself and trusting men, therefore, making them jump hoops to prove they aren’t going to hurt you.
You begin looking for perfection; which by the way doesn’t exist.
And no man ever feels good enough in your eyes.
What’s happening is fear starts holding you back as you try to keep yourself safe from getting hurt again.
To help you open up to men again, I’d like to share 4 tips that can help you learn to trust men and yourself again so you can have the man and relationship in your life you desire.
Tip #1 Healing and Forgiving
Take some time to heal when you’ve been hurt.
It’s painful to think you played a part in attracting someone who could be so bad for you.
But you did and the best way to start the healing process is through the forgiveness of yourself.
There is an amazing healing practice called Ho’opononpono that I’ve used with clients to help heal the pain in their hearts.
It’s really simple.
You think of the pain you’re feeling then repeat these 4 simple sentences while focusing on forgiveness…
I love you
Please forgive me
You say them over and over again until you feel a release happen. The practice of Ho’opononpono is an amazing story worth Googling.
Its healing powers are well documented.
Remember as long as you hold anger towards yourself or a man from your past, you are still connected and that keeps you from moving forward in your life.
If you find you’re having trouble letting go of a man from your past, you might want to reach out to a therapist before you decide to date again.
Tip #2 One bad man, doesn’t make all men bad
All of my clients learn about a tool called The Trust Glasses.
The Trust Glasses help you identify how you view the men you want to date.
There are 3 pairs.
The first is the Rose-Colored Glasses where you see only the good in men and are shocked when things end up badly.
The next is the grey stormy pair.
When you wear these, you’re looking at men with the mindset that a man is going to hurt you until he proves otherwise.
You end up making a man jump hoops over to prove his worthiness because you’re afraid he might hurt you.
Wearing this pair, you could end up losing out on a potential partner who might be perfect for you because you can’t see the good.
The third pair is the turquoise glasses.
These glasses are like a calm Caribbean ocean where you can see beautiful fish swimming close to the surface yet also see the bottom and any dangers that might be lurking.
With the turquoise glasses, you go on a date to meet someone new and interesting.
You’ll take your time before creating a relationship.
You observe how a man acts around you and whether his actions consistently follow his words.
Words are cheap. Actions are what count and men who don’t follow up on their words are the ones who will break your heart.
Tip #3 Really listen to what a man is saying to you
If a man shares stories about having cheated on his wife or another girlfriend, end it right then and there.
This is a huge red flag that spells TROUBLE.
If he did it once, he can do it again but this time you’ll be the one who gets hurt.
I can’t tell you the number of clients who tell me in hindsight that they walked right past these types of words thinking this man would never cheat on them yet he almost always does.
Men mean what they say.
Pay attention. If you listen to what they say, you’ll know you can trust yourself to make the best decision for you.
Tip #4 Get clear on the values that are important to you
I have my clients identify their top 15-20 values when we create their Quality Man Template, a tool that helps them identify the right man for them.
What’s so interesting about this is when they look back they are often shocked at how many values were missing in the men they’d dated.
For a relationship to work, you need to share the same values.
Knowing your top 10-15 values will empower you and will help you trust and recognize whether or not you’re with the right man.
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Copyright© 2020 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved.