Remember how things used to be in dating? You’d see someone cute online, or maybe in person. The two of you would have a great conversation. Sparks would fly… or at least, you’d be curious. Then, you’d anxiously get ready for The Big Date. But now? You’re sitting in the same sweats you’ve been wearing three days in a row, with no plans of leaving the house anytime soon — and wondering about first date tips during coronavirus. Crazy how fast things change.
It’s a scary world out there nowadays. But if you’re lucky enough to be relatively healthy, you don’t want your dating life to stop. Maybe you’ve even scored a date!
So if that’s the case, what do you do? How do you prepare for a first date, or nurture a new connection with someone when coronavirus has us all isolated and weirded out?
Below is some of my best advice on how to make the most of the situation. Sure, it’s not going to be the same as meeting up at some hip spot and gazing into each other’s eyes in person. Still, you can absolutely make a great first impression, ignite a connection, and even escalate sexual tension… all while getting to know someone over text or Zoom.
Ready to find out more?
Here’s 5 First Date Tips During Coronavirus
Don’t Get Lazy
When you can’t meet in person, the dating process gets longer. This could be discouraging, which makes sense. And knowing that your “first dates” will be Zoom calls doesn’t exactly get the blood pumping as much as the idea of meeting in the flesh.
So you let things go a little. You stop trying to keep your profile current, and kind of fall into a funk. After all, what’s the point?
I get it… but still. If you have extra time, now is your ideal chance to get that online profile into shape.
Why let coronavirus make you less competitive in dating?
Since so many people are slacking off right now in dating, you can stand out even more if you do the opposite.
So, think about your profile statement. (Maybe you never thought about it much before!) Could it be tweaked? Totally rewritten? Now that you’re home so much, take some time to really make your profile statement compelling. Take a look at some of my bio recommendations if you need a head start.
Also, take a long, hard look at your photos. Do they really represent you well? Are you smiling or do you look like a killer? If you don’t have great photos and can’t find good replacements, try putting on a decent outfit and taking some new selfies. Get some opinions from friends or a site like Photofeeler to see which ones are the best. Then update your profile with your new, fresh look.
Finally, I’d go full-on Marie Kondo and look at the state of your closet and the rest of your home. Go through your wardrobe and toss out stuff that doesn’t fit or make you feel good. Do the same for your home decor. Use the extra energy you would have spent on dating in-person to make your home life feel as put-together and calm as possible.
This will give you much more confidence when you get on calls for dates. You gotta look good for video chat! Plus, you can’t muster the energy for an awesome first date (even if it’s on Zoom) if you feel like you’re not living well.
Avoid Too Much COVID Talk
When it comes to first date tips during coronavirus, this one is key.
Some people might bring up COVID on every date. So here’s one way to flip the script to something more positive.
You want to pivot away from negative topics by using the Pivot Formula. The Pivot Formula is:
1. Vaguely acknowledge what she asks.
2. Say something like “speaking of that…”
3. Change subject to something else entirely.
Simple, right? You can easily redirect the conversation in just a few seconds this way. It works because people usually can’t keep track of several topics at the same time — so they won’t even notice you’re doing it.
Here’s an example:
Your date: What’s your opinion on wearing masks outdoors?
You: Yeah, COVID’s making everything crazy. Speaking of that, I saw a woman the other day who had matched her mask to her outfit… quite the commitment. Wonder how many different colors she has? Lol. Gotta do what you gotta do, right? By the way, what are your thoughts on turtlenecks and chains? Hip or not hip?
Use the Pivot Formula to keep the conversation focused. Taking too deep of a dive into COVID territory brings the conversation down too much. Later, you want them to remember this date as interesting and fun, not as a heavy downer.
Of course, the other person might still bring the topic back to COVID. Maybe even more than once. If you can’t get them to talk about other subjects, you might be dealing with someone who’s depressed or maybe even in trauma. No reason to judge — these are very tough times — but just something to think about.
Spice Up Your Texts
I usually tell people to reserve texting in the early stages of dating to just transactional messages — arranging or confirming a date. But the times, they are a-changin’. This wouldn’t be a good list of “first date tips during coronavirus” if I didn’t give you some advice on how to spark a deeper connection over text. So here it is.
Keep the conversation going in 3 steps
Keeping conversations going can be hard when you just meet the person. When you’re trying to come up with what to say next, you can use this formula:
Relate. Depending on what they say, find some common ground. Like, if they say their favorite place to eat is Cane’s fried chicken, and you’ve been there, you can be like, “Omg. Their new spicy wings are the stuff of dreams.”
Add Value. After you relate to what the person says, you can add value by giving some helpful info. Like, “Make sure you ask for hot bread with dipping sauce on the side…. it takes the heat down a notch!”
Ask a Question. Finally, ask a question to go deeper on the topic. Doesn’t matter if it’s a light topic… you’re making small talk. In this example, ask something like, “Ever try the new buffalo wing place that just opened on 6th and Main?”
Try games over text
Play a game of “Would you rather?” Think of a silly either-or dilemma, like “Would you rather always have to pop your partner’s pimples, or always have to pay for everything in the relationship?” Or, “Would you rather your partner’s personality be exactly like yours, or the exact opposite of yours?”
Making the questions about relationships can help you get to know them better in a dating context. Plus, it’s just more interesting.
Get Creative to Build Sexual Tension
To push things forward, you’ll need to build sexual tension. This means you both need to feel increasingly attracted to each other.
Tough to do in the middle of corona… or, maybe not.
If you do meet and either of you are hesitant to touch at all, then kissing will be out of the question. But that doesn’t mean you can’t escalate sexual tension in other ways. Here are a couple of suggestions.
Try asking questions like “What does sex mean to you?” “What’s the best kiss you’ve ever had?” or “Tell me about your first kiss?”
All of these questions stimulate sexual tension. Thinking and talking about physical contact is the next best thing to flirting in person and using physical touch to escalate things. Get them to imagine the feeling of kissing, for example — this can help accomplish the goal of moving things forward while avoiding the friendzone.
You can also use these playful tactics when texting in between dates. Just try not to get stuck texting for hours on end. Over-texting will kill your mystery and make the conversation fizzle out.
Try using sexy storytelling. Share sexy stories about what you’ve experienced and invite them to participate in the story.
Perhaps you ask about the first time they had sex. They might deflect and say, “I don’t know, you tell me.” Then you can describe how it felt (focusing on the sensations, not the logical information), which will get them to imagine the feeling of sex in a non-threatening way because it’s simply a story about you and someone from your past.
You can invite them to engage with the story by pausing between descriptions and saying something like, “Would you like that?” or “Have you ever done that/tried that?” Then you can eventually escalate further into, “Do you like it when _______?” and “How do you like to be _______?”
Wait for their buy-in and escalate when they play back with you. This can be done in-person or over text.
Manage Your Anxiety
Of course, you might be anxious about getting the corona if you meet up with too many people. That’s why you need to set and keep your boundaries firm.
You’ve got to know where you stand on everything. In other words, what you willing to do… and not willing to do? Get clear on this, and then don’t be afraid to communicate.
Managing multiple people you’re interested in, and then deciding who to meet and when can be stressful right now. What I know some of my clients have done is:
1. Have more virtual dates before meeting in-person. Focus more on phone calls and Zoom dates instead of in-person dates, especially in the beginning. Then, be selective about who you decide to meet. Use the texting prompts and other first date tips during coronavirus from this article to help you get to know people better first.
2. Limit in-person dates to only one person at a time. Perhaps you keep your MegaDating strategy to virtual dates only, and then choose one person to start meeting with. If that person doesn’t work out, then choose someone else.
3. Maintain social distancing until both of you have been tested. For ultimate safety, stay distanced and wear masks when you guys meet. Let the relationship grow over time. Then, if you both decide to get intimate, you can seal it with a test!
By keeping yourself safe this way, you’ll take a lot of the anxiety off the table so you can focus on getting to know your new babe.
First Date Tips During Coronavirus: Wrap-Up
COVID has thrown our entire world into a tailspin, and that includes dating. It’s not easy to be single right now, but it does have some advantages.
Getting to know someone during COVID means you can take your time. Since it’s probably not safe to rush into anything, you’ll get to know your potential dates way better than you ever did before making the decision to get closer. You can also learn a ton about yourself this way.
Who knows? By the end of this, you may not even want to go back to meeting people randomly in person and hoping for the best. You might reserve in-person dates for people you already clicked with in other ways.
So there’s no reason to get too bummed about it. In fact, you can use this as a reason to look at your dating life in an entirely new way.
Once you do this, you’ll likely want to make some changes. Perhaps you need help with your online profile, or you may decide to look at some long-standing issues, like why you constantly choose controlling partners, or why your online matches never write you back.
Do issues like these get you frustrated? Are you looking for more first date tips during coronavirus? Then don’t hesitate to set up an intro call with me or one of my colleagues so we can discuss it. We can give you personal feedback on your dating situation as well as determine if you’re a candidate for our 3 month coaching and/or matchmaking programs!