How a Friends with Benefits Relationship can hurt you in over 50’s dating!
Andrea, a single woman in her 50’s, began working with me after a relationship had ended.
She was trying to figure out why a man she’d been with for a year and a half had suddenly dumped her for another woman.
She told me their relationship had started out as Friends with Benefits.
About 8 months in, she felt like they had started falling for each other. (Make note here of ‘she not he’ felt like they were falling for each other. This is important to remember!)
He was always texting Andrea or calling her and she found she really liked the attention he was giving her.
They spent a lot of time together watching movies, TV, and sports at her house.
She thought he was so open about sharing with her what was going on in his life.
They had a chemistry that was off the charts and the sex to her was the best she’d ever had.
To her, she’d been pretty sure this was a sign that they had turned the corner from an FWB relationship to a full-blown committed relationship.
Then one day, the texts just ended.
He no longer stopped by to watch TV or check on her.
Andrea was beside herself because she had no idea what had happened.
When she texted him, he no longer replied.
A few days later, she gets a text from her friend, telling Andrea she’d seen pictures of this guy with another woman on Facebook.
Andrea was confused and her heart was hurting because she’d fallen in love with this man.
As a woman, your heart bonds with a man once you’ve had a physical relationship with him.
Thanks to the release of the bonding chemical, Oxytocin, you can stay connected to a man for up to three weeks whereas a man stays connected with you for about 2 hours.
A man does not need a heart connection to have a physical relationship with you and this is what makes it so easy for him to walk away when he’s done.
To him, it’s a fun and casual relationship that has LOTS OF BENEFITS while he’s into it!
The problem is when one person starts falling for the other person.
This is when a conversation needs to happen to see if both of you are still on the same relationship page.
Unless a man expresses his desire to be in a long-term relationship with you, he does not consider you to be “The One” for him so he will leave without guilt when he’s found the right woman.
He figures you knew the game since you freely participated in an FWB relationship with him. (Another reason for talking about what relationship page you’re both on)
Go into this type of relationship with your eyes wide open.
Women are usually the biggest losers because of the bonding that happens every time you physically connect. And like Andrea, are usually devastated when a man moves on.
Do you want to know how you keep tripping yourself up looking for love in the second half of life and what you can do to date smarter and better so you can find the right man for you? If so, just Click here, and let’s set up a time to talk.
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