Before we dive into the nuances of post-TDL texting etiquette, allow me to say … congratulations.

Scoring a date may not seem like a major accomplishment, but it is.

The contemporary man is far less romantic than his forebears. To illustrate my point allow yourself to wrap around the sad truth that 28% of men between the ages of 18-30 had zero sex in 2018. Not only is the male population having less sex than it did 30 years ago, but men are also dating less.

There are many reasons why men aren’t dating as often as they once did.

We can blame the endless ways to entertain ourselves at home, a shrinking middle class, dating apps, tech-addiction, and plenty of other factors in our attempts to explain away our romance-less existence.

For these reasons it’s important that you give yourself a congratulatory pat on the back, just don’t self-aggrandize too hard. An affirmative response to a date request is one thing but this is just the beginning of the dance.

You’re here because you’re wondering how often you should text her after setting up a first date. As a virtual dating coach I’ve coached many a man through this exact scenario. Let’s now dig into the nuances of the subtle dance that takes place via text in between the TDL and the first date.

How Often Should I Text Her After Setting Up the First Date

When She Says “Yes” To Your Date Idea…

If you asked her out via an online dating app, the next step is to secure her phone number.

Nabbing her phone number is a romantic promotion. Not every dude she chats with online wins her number. This is a prize worthy only of a serious romantic interest.

Seamlessly segue into asking for her number by texting her something like, “Great, pass me your number and I’ll text you the address,” or “Awesome, want to send me your number?” If she just responded in the affirmative when you asked her out, it’s expected that she’ll give you her number. It’s a major online dating red flag if she says yes to a date but is reluctant to give you her number.

Once you have her number, text her to confirm the details of the date. Texting her the details once again solidifies the date and also confirms that she gave you the correct number.

Another option is to ask for her number before setting up a date. Asking her out on a dating app without first getting her number might be a jarring experience for her. Asking for her number first and then asking her out via text might be a more gradual and organic path towards a first date.

If you ask for her number before asking her out, consider using one of these lines:

  • If I had your number, we could forget we ever met on Tinder
  • I noticed you listed your fears on your bio. Wanna know mine? Getting lost in your match queue before getting your phone number
  • I’d love to take this offline and call you. What’s your number?

As Soon As You Get Her Number

Once you have her number, text her “Hey Stacey, it’s Michael, that ridiculously charming gentleman you met on Bumble.” 

H-factors aren’t really super relevant once you have the number but you never want to text without intent. This way she’ll save your number so that when you call or text to confirm the date, she knows who is contacting her because she’s got you saved in her phone.

When you text her a witty and confident line like the one above, she might take it as a signal to engage in some witty banter. Save the banter for the date. The purpose of texting her was to confirm she has your number.

Don’t Kill the Mystery

At this stage of nascent courtship you already have two things going for you; a first date and her number.

Now it’s on you not to blow it.

The good news is, all “not blowing it” consists of is not texting her a play by play of your life before the first date takes place.

Let us be clear. This woman didn’t accept your date request because she knows she’ll have an awesome time with you, or because you two have tons in common. To her, you’re still a stranger. She said yes because she has a hunch that going out with you is worth filling in the blanks.

You’re so shrouded in mystery that she thinks you might be cool, but can’t be certain.

Texting her your every move will make this mystery wilt away before you even meet her in person.

I understand you may be tempted to start a convo via text before the date. You just met this awesome woman and are rearing to get to know her. It’s understandable, but ping-ponging messages about your mutual love for french bulldogs is the wrong way to get to know about each other. Keep your excitement tucked away and under wraps until the date. Learning all there is to know about the other person will make your first date way duller than it would have been had you simply kept your hands in your pockets and eschewed from prematurely texting.

As a rule of thumb, don’t text her leading up to the date until the day prior. This means if you asked her out on Tuesday for a date on Saturday, refrain from texting her Wednesday and Thursday. Friday afternoon, text her to say how pumped you are for the date and that you look forward to seeing her tomorrow. This text serves as a reminder and ultimate confirmation that the date will take place. Should she confirm and respond warmly, this is a sign that the date will almost certainly take place.

Try and Meet Her Soon

The tension created after asking a woman out but before meeting her can be illustrated with a bell curve. A 3-day waiting period between the date and the TDL is ideal.

A date that takes place too soon after the TDL hasn’t been given enough anticipation to create tension (it’s also likely that she’ll reject such a request). A date that takes place a week after the TDL might as well be forgotten.

Nothing is worse for a woman than to give up her phone number and have to wait 11 days to meet you. In today’s dating app world, it’s likely she’ll link up on 2 or 3 dates with other men within that time period. 

Women receive exorbitantly more matches than men. Making the mistake of planning a date in the distant future will no doubt lead to her shifting her attention to another dude.

What Happens If She Texts Me?

Didn’t see this one coming did ya?

Obviously a response is needed. To put together the perfect response you must sniff the purpose of her text.

Did she message to reschedule, banter, cancel, shoot the shit, broach a topic that came up prior – what is it?

She may be looking to make small talk because she’s not entirely convinced she wants to go on the date. To appease her she wants to learn more about you. In order to avoid getting sucked into a full-blown conversation, warmly answer her questions without asking any of your own. Speak to her in the most respectful, asexual, and cordial manner possible. She’s probably debating going out with you because she’s not entirely comfortable with you yet.

That’s reasonable.

Should this scenario arise, your job is to placate her worries without doing away with the mystery.

To ensure she isn’t second-guessing the date, schedule it so that it’s just three days away. The longer you wait the more her interest will wane.

What Should I Text After The First Date?

If you’re following the MegaDating blueprint your first date lasted no longer than one hour and no more than $10 were spent. Even though you two only spent an hour with each other, you should do your best to convey how you feel about her through organic behavior.

Are you smiling, asking questions, intrigued by what she has to say, and vibing? If so, it should be obvious that you want to go on a second date with her. Even if it is, it’s always a good move to tell her that you’d like to see her again and even ask her on a TDL when the date ends. If you did ask her on a TDL, the same texting rules used after setting up a first date apply to the second.

If you didn’t ask her out on a second date while on the first you must do so via text. Ideally, you ended the date cordially by saying all the niceties that generally come at the end of a date. Wait no more than 2 days to ask her out again. If you think you left things shaky, you can always text a few hours after the date ended telling her that you had a great time and plan on seeing her again soon.

What Now?

When it comes to giving dating advice, everyone thinks themself an authority. The armchair experts will say this, your friends that, and that YouTube Don Juan something else.

As a dating coach with experience improving the dating lives of hundreds of men around the country, I have proof -evidence by hundreds of romantic relationships- that what I say, works.

To revamp your dating skills with advice that is proven to work, schedule a 1-on-1 new client strategy Zoom call with me. During the call we’ll talk about your dating weaknesses, objectives, and create a unique dating plan that works for you. We’ll also determine if my 3 month coaching program is right for you. To learn more about my program, check out my webinar here.