If you were honest, you’d have to admit to crushing on someone every now and then. We all have. Meeting someone new and interesting almost feels like a drug… you feel like you can never get quite enough. You think about her night and day. But how does she feel? Have you ever wondered how to get a woman to think about you constantly?
Well, I have. As a dating coach and matchmaker, I’ve helped tons of guys get into women’s heads (and stay there). There’s an art to doing it really well — check out my private consultations for that — but if you know the basic components, you can still influence a woman much more than you think.
Learning how to get a woman to think about you actually depends a lot on the circumstances. How well do you know her and where are you in the dating process? Your answers to these questions will determine what tactics you use to make her stop paying attention to other guys and start obsessing over you.
Read on to learn more about how to get a woman to think about you…. constantly. And then, when you’re ready, pop over and book an intro call with me so we can talk about how coaching (and/or matchmaking) can help you take all this information to the next level.
How to Get a Woman to Think About You Constantly
Check out the relationship stages below and then see my tips on how you can get and keep her attention, no matter where you’re at in the dating funnel.
Before the First Date
As soon as you get her to say “yes” to the date, you have to go into mystery mode. By that I mean, first of all, don’t over-text before the date.
Your text exchanges in the beginning should go something like this: Message with intent (of going on the date). Then, once she says yes (hopefully you invited her on an in-person date three days in advance), don’t text much at all between when she says “yes” and when you actually get on the first date.
Simply say, “Great, what’s your number? I’ll text you the address (of the date location).”
Later, confirm the date just once — either the day before if it’s an early date, or the same day if it’s an afternoon/evening date. And that’s it. Do not text her otherwise.
Why? Because if you do, you’re showing her all of your cards. For example, let’s say she says “yes” to the date and then you both keep texting back and forth. The more you do that, the more she learns about you. Once that happens, you run the risk of her being less attracted to you before you even meet.
Instead, let her wonder about you. The less she knows, the more she’ll create her own ideal narrative, painting you as Prince Charming. Give her space to do this. It will make her curious, which will lead to her imagining the best. She’ll get excited to see you and hopefully won’t be able to stop thinking about you.
After the First Date
First, on the date itself, try to get her talking 80% of the time. Being a good conversationalist will likely make her want to see you again.
Also, make your first date short and sweet. Spend no more than an hour in the same location with her. The longer you spend, the more you kill mystery, which as I mentioned, is directly related to sexual attraction. Cut off your first date after an hour and plan the second date with her before you leave. That way she’ll end up wanting more and will likely say “yes” to your second date request.
When it comes to communication on the date, avoid telling her how much you like her. Don’t go on and on about how perfect she is. Actually, do not compliment her (or worse, apologize!) at any time. And don’t over-communicate afterward. That means, don’t text her immediately after your date has ended. You still need to give her that space to fill in any blanks she has about you with a narrative that you’re the guy of her dreams.
The reason for all of this is, people want to be with someone who is hard to get. They want someone they have to win over. If you make it easy for her to win you over, she’ll perceive you as low-value and lose interest.
Instead, if you play your cards right, she’ll wonder about you after the date. Think about it: You didn’t spend the entire date talking about yourself (like most guys do). You didn’t fall all over her or bombard her with texts afterward, which makes you seem hard to get and interesting. That’s how you get a woman to think about you all the time.
In Between Dates
Not only do you want her to think about you, but you want her to keep thinking about you. So here are some ways to keep those thoughts going.
1. Don’t send any texts without intent.
Ideally, you took my advice and planned the second date with her while you were on the first date. If so, you won’t have to text much between dates. But regardless, remember this: Never text at this stage without intent of going on a date or you’ll kill your perceived value. Examples of texts without intent would be ones like, “What’s up?”, “Happy Monday?”, or “How’s your day going?” Eliminate those meaningless questions from your dating vocabulary because they just kill the mystery and make you look like you have nothing better to do.
2. Have boundaries.
Don’t just people-please her every time she wants to do something. And don’t over-give! If she’s pushing your boundaries in some way (asking you to buy her things, wanting you to change your house rules, trying to get you to do things for her all the time) set firm boundaries. Saying “no” is sexy and will make her curious about you. It demonstrates high-value because it shows you know who you are and you’re not desperate for her approval.
3. Demonstrate that your time is valuable (by having a busy social calendar).
Don’t just be available anytime she wants. You don’t have to return her texts right away.
4. Leverage social proof.
Before your next date, add her on social media and post photos of you doing interesting things. Maybe you’re hanging with good-looking people or traveling somewhere fun. When she sees this, she’ll wonder who the people are, how you know them, what you’re doing, if you’re dating other girls, etc.
5. Give intermittent reinforcement.
Suggest that she’s winning you over — but don’t keep giving her positive reinforcement. Only now and then, tell her something like, “What are you doing to me?” or “I like you.” Just don’t do it every time. This will make her curious about whether you still feel the same about her.
MegaDating means set up as many dates with other women as possible. Don’t stop dating altogether just because you started dating her. You don’t have to explicitly tell her you’re seeing other people (unless she asks). She’ll feel your energy anyway as you pull away when you’re unavailable. That will make her wonder about you big time. If you need help jump starting your MegaDating journey, consider hiring us as your matchmaker. We’ll set you up with a myriad of women in a short amount of time.
While You’re Out of Town
At some point in the early stages, you might have to leave town. That puts the kibosh on dating for a bit, but you can still be strategic so that she’ll think about you.
Number one rule for when you’re out of town: Don’t reach out to her, if you can help it. Instead, give yourself time and space to focus on the present wherever you are. If you truly enjoy your trip without her, then you won’t come back to her with all that needy energy. (A third of women say they definitely don’t want a man who’s needy and insecure!) Stay engaged in whatever you’re doing on the trip, and that feeling will naturally calm you down and give you confidence.
Also, don’t forget to demonstrate the fun time you’re having on social media so she can get curious while you’re away. Out-of-town trips are perfect for this kind of thing. You’re in a new place doing unfamiliar things, so she’ll naturally be curious and will start thinking about you if you post something interesting on your social. Even just a photo of your favorite craft beer at happy hour or a selfie as you’re walking through the city will get her attention.
If she does reach out to you while you’re away, then text back but don’t spend a long time on the convo. This will demonstrate to her that your time is valuable and she’s not top priority, which will make her perceive you as high value and want to win you over.
In a New Relationship
Once you guys are in a new relationship (past date #3 but still within the first few months) you should still try to keep her thinking about you. It’s easy for her to break things off early, so don’t make the mistake of getting comfortable… you’re still competing with other dudes.
One thing to remember when you’re in a new relationship is, don’t smother her. If you’re always around her all the time, you’ll kill your mystery and cause the relationship to quickly fizzle out. Dating a guy who’s constantly all over her will eventually feel way less interesting than other attractive men who don’t try as hard.
Canceling your own activities or time with your friends to be with her is even worse. Women need to see that you have outside interests and things you’re passionate about in life. That’s what makes you come across as confident, which is the biggest turn-on. Don’t sacrifice that by thinking you need to drop your hobbies every time she wants to hang out. It won’t pay off in the end.
Just take it slow, maintain your own sense of identity, and continue pursuing your individual interests, activities, and friendships. Don’t make yourself always available or she’ll start to perceive you as low value and her feelings will start to shift.
In a Long-Term Relationship
After you’ve been dating a while (a few months or more) you might think of the relationship as possibly long-term. But this doesn’t mean things have to get boring. You can still get her to think about you just like she did in the beginning, even for years to come.
Make a commitment to maintain your mystery throughout the relationship to keep her thinking about you. You can do this by maintaining your individual activities. In other words, each of you needs to have your own alone time or time with friends and family solo. If you spend every waking minute together, you leave her no time to wonder about you!
Also, you don’t have to tell her about every detail of your day apart. Leave a little mystery. Make her curious; don’t tell her where you’re going all the time. Let her wonder again, the same way she wondered about you when you first started dating: “What’s he doing? Who’s he hanging out with?” The curiosity will jumpstart her imagination, which as we’ve talked about, is a major player in sexual attraction.
How to Get a Woman to Think About You Constantly: Wrap-Up
Getting a woman to think about you isn’t magic. There are no witchy spells here. It just comes down to a few basic principles: maintaining mystery, being careful in your communication, and not seeming desperate (remember, if you haven’t started MegaDating, get on it!).
How could it be this easy? Because honestly, she wants to like you. Trust me, I know dating is hard for men, but it’s even harder for women. She doesn’t want to keep playing the field any more than you probably do. So if you simply show her a good time, act interested in who she is, and keep your crazy in a bottle for a minimum of three dates, you should be good to go. Not only will you figure out how to get a woman to think about you, but you might even get something extra by date #3. I’ll leave that to your imagination.
Of course, while all this sounds great in theory, you still need to put it into practice. Can you really follow these tips and bring these principles to life with the woman you’re currently seeing?
I believe you can. That’s why I built my whole coaching business, in fact. I’ve dedicated my career to helping people approach dating the right way — with confidence, respect, and most of all, fun. Once you can do that, you’ll definitely get the results you want.
Feel like you want to learn more? Here at emlovz, we offer private and group coaching programs as well as matchmaking services. Set up your intro call today for expert feedback on your dating situation and find out if you could be a candidate for our services. Don’t wait any longer to make your move!