“I gave her too much attention, now what?”
Your romance is a flame.
A flame that has started off as nothing but a few embers that you’ve managed to grow into a size-able fire. Well done. But recently you’ve noticed that despite tossing more and more wood on the fire in an effort to make it grow, you’re begun to smother it.
It seems sensible that the more attention you give a woman the more she should enjoy you. You shower her with love poems, flowers, check in with her to see how her day went, and yet despite your chivalrous efforts she has begun to distance herself. Romance works much the same way a fire does. Inundate her with affection in the attempt to quickly grow the flame of attraction and instead, you’ll suppress it.
Are you wondering if you gave her too much attention?
In this article, we’ll rewire you with the ability to ease off the accelerator.
I Gave Her Too Much Attention, Now What?
Ask yourself why you gave her too much attention?
Could it be because she was the only romantic prospect in your life, and you didn’t want to muck it up? Was it the fear of losing her that taxed your finesse and ultimately pushed her away?
Fearing that should you lose her, another one might never come along- can lead a man to smother a woman with too much attention.
So how do you combat this need to constantly shower her with affection? -MegaDate.
MegaDating is the process of dating various women at once. It involves going on multiple dates a week with different women. Surely it’s easier to not fear the loss of one woman when you’ve got multiple dates lined up for next week, right?
Apart from making you less clingy, MegaDating offers a menu of benefits. It quickly sharpens you into a dapper Don Juan, increases your confidence, shows you what you want in a partner, and quickly finds you a woman worth settling down for.
MegaDating is the opposite of the ROMCOM dating advice where you vow against dating and happen upon that one woman that you suddenly fall in love with. That’s not reality though.
To find your ideal partner you’ll need to get your hands dirty and date around.
Fill Up Your Social Calendar
It’s difficult to ruminate on what the woman you’re dating is doing when you’re at the beach with friends or training for a 5k.
There’s a world out there wholly unrelated to dating, enjoy it.
Fill your calendar with both romantic and non-romantic engagements. Go to parties, meet new people, hang out with friends you may have been neglecting, take up a new skill, etc.
Living a fulfilling life will mitigate the need to lean on her for all of your social, emotional, and intellectual needs. Enjoying your life even when you’re not dating the woman in question will show yourself and her that you don’t need her to be happy. That you’re a unique individual that has an interesting life outside of going to work and dining at fancy restaurants with your lady-friend.
Your value in her eyes will rise when she notices that you’re living an interesting and engaging life even when you’re not around her.
Delete Her Number (But Remember The Last 4 Digits)
Chances are you don’t remember her number.
If you deleted it right now and were asked to recall it you wouldn’t be able to.
Deleting her number ensures that you can no longer text her every time something negligibly interesting happens in your life. It forces you to wait until she reaches out to you. Remembering the last four digits of her number is crucial so that when she does text back you don’t act a fool and respond back “who dis?”
Once she finally messages back you’ve got to decide if you’re found the restraint not to bombard her with messages again. If you don’t think you do, delete the chat and refrain from saving her number. This isn’t a sustainable way to address your outpouring of attention, but it’ll make you appear less needy in the short-term.
Pace Your Texts
Set texting limits for yourself.
You’re not allowed to text her for any other reason than to ask her out. If this is too much of an ask, decrease your texting frequency to just one text exchange every other day.
Whatever you do make sure that your texts don’t outnumber hers, nor are they longer. The less frequent your texting the more she’ll wonder where you are and why you aren’t giving her your attention.
Assess the messages you’re sending. Are you showering her with affection, are the texts of true depth, what need are they satisfying? When her number’s in your phone it can feel as though you’re literally carrying her around in that pocket of yours. You’re not.
A text isn’t nearly as fulfilling as interacting in person. Exchanging texts with her may send a quick hit of dopamine to your brain, but little else. Any meaningful connection you build with her will take place in person, during face to face exchanges. Texts should be used as a tool to set up these exchanges and nothing more.
If you find yourself struggling with this one perhaps it’s because you’re only applying the rule to her texts. It may be the case the your need for human attention has made you defenseless against immediately texting back. Apply this new rule to any text, Facebook message, and Twitter notification you receive regardless of the sender.
Turn Your Phone Off
It’s tough to text her when your phone is turned off and in another room.
Phones give us 24/7 access to the ones we desire. That isn’t always a good thing.
If you can’t live without your phone put it on airplane mode or turn off push notifications.
Take it from a woman, there’s nothing less sexy than having a man text me back just seconds after sending him a message. Make her think you’re doing literally anything other than waiting by the phone for her text, like a little pup waiting for her owner to come back home.
Put yourself back in control of when you respond to her messages. The next time you receive a message, take a deep breath, put the phone back down, and re-engage in whatever activity you were doing. Read the preview of her text but don’t open it or respond. In a few minutes you’ll feel the need to respond fade away.
Create phone-free times of the day. Perhaps don’t turn on your phone for the first two hours after waking on the weekends or the last two hours before going to sleep on weekdays. Refusing to give your attention to your phone comes with a host of benefits like better sleep, improved attention, and more energy.
Don’t Always Be The First Person To Text
How do you know if a woman likes you? Easy, she wants to spend time with you.
So ask yourself, are you always the person initiating the interaction? If so, you may be knocking on the door of a woman that doesn’t care to date you. Put this hunch to the test by letting her message first.
If you initiated the last conversation, now it’s your turn to wait.
Some women are just passive, overworked, or just need some me-time. Don’t always expect her to initiate a conversation a day or two after your last one. Maintain your resolve and give her 5-7 days to message. If she initiates a conversation 25% of the time, that’s a good enough sign that she’s interested. What’s most important is that you give her the opportunity to reach out.
If you’re always the one pitching date ideas and banging on her door she doesn’t have the space to reciprocate with affection of her own. While waiting for that oh so coveted text, get on Hinge and start MegaDating.
Are you always the needier one in the relationship? Why is that exactly?
If you’re having trouble answering this question, the sage book, Attached can answer it for you.
Written by neuroscientist, child psychiatrist, and Columbia professor, Dr. Amir Levine, Attached unearthing one’s own attachment style can help us rethink the way we handle our romantic relationships. This is the first book that applies this established theory to romantic relationships.
The author will dive into the three attachment style: anxious, avoidant, and secure.
Once learning which attachment style you’ve developed in childhood, the doctor will teach you how to manage your style to create healthy romantic relationships. In less than 300 pages you can revamp your attachment style.
Talk To A Dating Coach
Not just any dating coach, but me.
I’ve helped hundreds of men in your situation flip the script to become the one that’s being doted on.
Book a new client 1-on-1 Zoom session with me to learn how to revamp your mentality. During this intro session we’ll discuss your dating roadblocks like giving women too much attention, create an action plan, and see if my 3 month coaching program is a fit for you.