Give me a lineup of 10 single dudes, and I’d guarantee at least four or five of them will say, “I hate dating.” This kills me… because dating doesn’t have to be such a miserable experience!
So here’s my question for you: What is it about dating that you don’t like? Were you traumatized? Do you lean towards the introverted side? Were you harshly rejected in the past?
Even if you’ve been through one of the above scenarios (or something else), I’d be willing to bet that throughout all this, you still want a girlfriend. Am I right? If so, read on.
In this article, we’ll discuss some of the reasons you might hate dating. Then, I’ll offer up some simple solutions you can implement right away to start enjoying the process. You can’t reach your relationship goals until you change your mindset.
Not only do I want to see you find the right woman… but it’s kind of my job. That being said, if you want more help, book an online intro session with me.
In the meantime, let’s tackle some of those big dating complaints and see if we can’t turn things around!
I Hate Dating Because I’m Shy
Feeling shy or socially anxious around women can definitely put a wrench into things when it comes to dating, but it doesn’t have to completely derail you.
The good news is, you don’t have to be a totally extroverted, life-of-the-party type of guy to be successful in dating. You just need to step just a little bit out of your comfort zone to attract the women who are right for you. Here are some ideas.
Try Speed Dating
I hear you hyperventilating right now. But trust me on this one: You know how they say the best way to get over your fears is to face them head-on? Well, if you’re afraid of talking to women, speed dating is actually one of the best ways to get over it.
Why? Because even though you’ll be talking to several women, back-to-back, all night (I know — breathe), you don’t know these women and never have to see them again. It’s way easier to “practice” talking with women whom you have very little investment in.
Once You Get a Date, Make It an Active One
By “active,” I mean plan a date that’s centered around a physical activity instead of a happy hour or dinner where you’re staring across a table from each other. You’ll feel less pressured to fill those “lulls” in conversation during an active date and it’ll give you something else to focus on besides how you’re coming across.
But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. The best part about an active date is that it creates sexual tension. An active date gets her adrenaline flowing naturally (from exercise). It’s a pleasurable feeling, and guess what?
She’ll naturally attribute it to you. Once she associates these body sensations with being in your presence, it becomes sexual tension. It works even better when you already have established a rapport with her beforehand, which is why I recommend this approach for second dates.
I Hate Dating Because of Past Rejection
The fastest way to kill your dating life is to live in the past. Your history with other women means nothing to the current woman you’re talking to, so why think about it? Here are some ways to deal with overcoming past rejection.
Dive Deep Into a Hobby
Set aside an afternoon for yourself. Get super involved in something you’re interested in until you reach a “flow” state — this is when your awareness of what’s around you seems to drop away, time stops, and all you’re focused on is that one activity. It will remind you of what’s really important to you.
Take your focus off yourself by finding a way to give to others. It can be as simple as mentoring a kid who needs academic help every other Saturday or helping out at your local animal shelter. It’s hard to stay stuck in the past when someone else needs you right now.
I Hate Dating Because It’s Expensive
I won’t lie to you here. Yes, dating can be expensive. According to one survey, Americans spend nearly $700 on dates each year. But it doesn’t have to be this way! I always recommend that men follow my blueprint for first, second, and third dates. With my plan, you’ll spend very little money, allowing you to go on more dates without such a huge hit to your wallet. Here’s what it looks like:
This is your first meeting, so your goal is to build her trust and develop a rapport with her. Be sure to arrive early and work in some good first date questions.
Spend no more than $10 on this date. Yep. That’s for the entire bill, so you can probably see where I’m going with this. A cup of java at a cool coffeehouse or a drink at happy hour will do. Also, limit this date to one hour.
Set up an active date based on her interests. The goal here is to build sexual tension, so don’t be afraid to touch her if it happens naturally — I’m talking about an “accidental” brush of the arm, sitting close to her for a second to show her something on your phone, etc. You should spend NO money on this date, so find free events or activities you can do together.
Have her over to your place for dinner, or take her out for a nice meal. Either way, spend a little more money on this date since by now, you know she’s worth the investment. Intimacy is a possibility if you played your cards right by building trust, rapport, and sexual tension.
Hopefully, you noticed one thing in particular — you should spend practically no money until the third date.
I Hate Dating Because I Love to Complain
I don’t want to call anyone out, but I’m just being real here. Has anyone ever told you that you complain a lot? Or that you’re negative? Women don’t like dating guys who possess either of these qualities. Instead, they want other qualities, which basically boil down to one: a man who’s genuinely happy. So if you want to stop complaining…
Meet Your Personal Needs
As a human being, part of your needs include physical health and social contact. These are two good starting points for a happy life, so why not make them happen? Make sure you’re getting some good cardio in 2-4 times a week. You might even join a group SPIN class, your local CrossFit, or some other form of exercise that involves meeting other people. That’ll kill two birds with one stone.
Heck, get botox if you’re self conscious about your wrinkles or jump on finasteride if your hair is thinning. If you look hard enough, there’s almost always a solution that’ll bring you more happiness into your life.
Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
It’s so easy to get in a rut and stay there. But when you do, you develop an attitude that can push people away. Counteract your negativity by intentionally getting out of your comfort zone and expanding your life. Try one new thing every month that’s scary, and see how it can transform you.
Change your mental state from one of bitterness to one of gratitude. Try some techniques that can help you realize what you have to be grateful for in your life. You might keep a daily journal where you write down one thing you’re thankful for each day. Or, try some of the exercises from the book The Magic by Rhonda Byrne. Whatever you choose, try to open your eyes to what’s great about your life.
I Hate Dating Because Dating Apps Confuse Me
Apps change faster than you can blink these days, but they don’t have to be a chore. Dating apps are powerful and fun when you know how to use them and have a solid strategy. To get yourself feeling more comfortable with them, here are a few quick tips.
Master the Basics of a Good Profile
On a dating app, your profile is everything, so you want to be sure to put your best foot forward. That means:
Smile. (No one wants to date a guy who looks like a killer!)
Be funny if you can.
Avoid being generic. (Embrace your inner nerd! If you still love LEGOs, say it. There’s someone out there for everyone, and it’ll set you apart.)
Test out your pics on Photofeeler before you add them to your profile.
Learn to Recognize Red Flags
Everyone has bad experiences with dating apps every now and then. But if it’s constant, you might be ignoring some blatant online dating flags about women’s profiles. Before you bother to message anyone, be sure you avoid the telltale signs of crazy, such as strings of emojis, photos/messages that are “too good to be true,” or extreme negativity.
Book a Session with Me
I’m an expert at hacking dating apps and can show you, step-by-step, how to set up a compelling profile and message women so they read, respond, and agree to go out with you. Set up a Zoom call with me to find out more.
I Hate Dating Because of a Traumatic Experience
Maybe the whole dating process brings up negative feelings for you because of something traumatic that happened. If you feel like the reason you say “I hate dating” is because of something serious, don’t hesitate to see a therapist.
I get that seeing a therapist isn’t the easiest thing to do, especially if you’re a guy who’s not used to talking about things like this. But the great thing about technology these days is that the whole mental health industry is going virtual.
Services like Talkspace and BetterHelp offer online counseling that’s sometimes even cheaper than if you saw the same therapists in person. Not only that, but there are even therapists you can text now! Nobody ever has to know.
I Hate Dating Because I Don’t Have a Mentor
I hear you on this one: There’s tons of information out there about dating, but without really knowing what’s legit, you can end up spinning your wheels.
It’s definitely better (and easier, and more fun) to figure out something huge like this when you have someone else on your team. A coach like me can help streamline your entire dating strategy so you’re not wasting your energy by trying out every piece of advice under the sun.
Saying “I hate dating” but still wanting a girlfriend are two attitudes that contradict each other. If you eventually want to be in a relationship, the answer is simple: You have to change your outlook on dating.
Today’s current dating environment doesn’t make it easy, but it’s not impossible. It all depends on your perspective. You can hang onto the 1,037 times things didn’t work out, or you can figure out a way to let the past go and be in the present with every woman you interact with. Because trust me, once you do come across the woman who’s right for you, you’ll need to be in your best state of mind. You’ll need to bring your A-game… which includes positivity.
Still sounds hard? Well, that’s why I’m here. I talk to men every day who say “I hate dating” and are ready to give up. And you know what? Once we look at all the reasons why and examine how they can tweak their approach, they start to see signs of success.
Soon, they see tons of success and start MegaDating their asses off. Many of them end up meeting the woman they’ve always wanted by the middle of our coaching program. So why can’t that be you? Book a call with me and take the first (real) step toward an amazing dating life. After our first meeting (and certainly after my three-month Signature program) you will never have to say “I hate dating” again.