I recently started casually seeing this guy, “Mike,” and I really like him. This past week he was sick, so I didn’t see him or talk to him much. I saw him a little bit on Friday night at a friend’s house, where I ended up getting drunk and making a complete ASS out of myself, not respecting boundaries at all and acting cheap and easy.

I didn’t hear much from him Saturday. I hosted a party Saturday night, and he never let me know he wasn’t coming, although he told my friend he wasn’t. I texted him on Sunday morning asking him to call me; he read the text, but he never called me. I sent him a long text last evening apologizing again about my behavior and how I feel terrible and I know how bad I look. He read it this morning and again never replied. While I don’t expect him to be buried in his phone, being courteous would be nice. I refuse to chase him, and I did all that I can do.

Any advice on what to do next would be appreciated. — Complete Ass

Sure thing. What you can do next is stop throwing parties in the middle of a pandemic when cases have been skyrocketing around the country, we’re up to over 155 thousand deaths in the US, and children from coast to coast are likely looking at another entire school year of distance learning or, maybe worse, in-person classes where they risk getting the coronavirus, bringing it home to their families, and spreading it to their teachers. You don’t say how old you are — I asked, and you never responded — but I’m going to guess you’re in your 20s. You feel invincible; Covid only registers to you as something that is slightly inconveniencing your life a little, right? Maybe you aren’t getting as many hours at work, you have to wear a mask when you go to the store, and the bars, if they’re open in your area, don’t let as many people inside. But this pandemic is more than a slight inconvenience. With no vaccine, no cure, and very limited treatment, it’s killing people at an alarming rate and leaving hundreds of thousands more with long-term effects the extent of which it will likely be years before we fully comprehend. Stop fucking throwing and going to house parties, especially – and I can’t believe I have to spell this out for you – when you know people who were sick only days earlier will be in attendance.

It’s selfish people like you who are fueling the outbreaks and the rest of us are sick of it. We are sick of doing everything right – staying in our homes for months on end, canceling all of our travel plans, and avoiding our friends’ apartments, bars, and dining in restaurants – only to continue seeing the spread of this deadly virus continue to rise because enough people like you can’t be bothered to think about anyone but themselves.

As for Mike, move on already. You made an ass of yourself in front of him, you didn’t respect his boundaries, he’s turned off by your behavior, and he’s no longer interested in you. He rejected your sloppy advances Friday night, didn’t attend your ill-conceived party Saturday night (and didn’t even bother to tell you he wasn’t coming), ignored your text on Sunday asking him to call you, and ignored your long apology the next day. It’s really rich that you’d like him to be “courteous” seeing as your blatant disregard for public health is a slap in the face to basic courtesy as well as a disregard for the feelings, livelihoods, and well-being of your community, your friends and family, and your fellow citizens, but even so: maybe his being silent IS courteous compared to what he could say. And if you can’t take his silence as the message intended – that he’s not interested anymore – that’s on you.
 

I am 45 years old and have been in a relationship with “Charles” for more than five years. He always compares me with his mother in regards to how I’m raising my children. He says I am misguiding my kids and that I am not strict enough. My oldest is a doctor, my middle kid is in college, and my youngest recently gave birth at 17 (and while that doesn’t sit right with me, Charles says she will have a second baby soon because I am not telling the school that she fell pregnant under their watch). Always I am being compared with other people and he always says I should remember I am not the kids’ friend, but I am their mother. He’s married and he compares me to his wife and sometimes even talks about me to his wife. — Tired of Being Compared

 
Wow, way to bury the lede there. Yeah, I think any time a man constantly compares you to his mother and to HIS WIFE, WHOM HE’S MARRIED TO, that the correct answer is always, always: MOA.

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