Have you ever been talking with a man and found yourself wondering what to say next? You wonder what to talk about with a guy…
I’ll be the first person to tell you that talking to a man is really not that difficult. The problem is that you only learned how to talk to other girls. Ahem … females, women.
We may have a lot of topics in common, but knowing how to talk about with a man is really probably more important than what to talk about with him. Still, it’s not intuitive.
It’s just not easy to know what to talk about with a guy.
Aren’t you lucky you have Carlos?
I’ve been a guy in my entire life, and I’ve gone on quite a few dates where the woman talking to me didn’t seem to have the first clue of how to talk to me.
And now that we live in the age of Covid and online dating, we have to find more ways to make those connections count. Conversation is how more relationships will start off, anyway.
So I’m going to give you a crash course in how to talk to men. We’ll talk about what to talk about, and how to talk about it.
But first, we got to talk about what NOT to talk about.
Don’t Talk About: Negative topics
If you are still in the first two to four dates, you need to avoid your conversation going too negative. If he brings it up, that’s okay. But you don’t want to stay in the negative zone for too long. After awhile it will start to taint how he feels about you.
Eventually, you will talk about these things. But there’s no reason to tarnish the start of the relationship yet.
- How your life sucks
- How HIS life sucks
- Politics (it just ruins everything)
Don’t Talk About: Criticism
It should go without saying that you should avoid any kind of criticism towards him on those first few important dates. After all, if you are finding things to criticize him about and feel the need to share it, you probably shouldn’t be seeing him.
Pretty simple, huh?
Don’t Talk About: Anyone else you are seeing
This is obviously a No-No. there’s no need to discuss any one you are dating on the side other than him.
If he asks, you can politely delay this for later.
Don’t Talk About: Any women from his past
Until you’re in a relationship that is stable and grounded in your Love & Safety, leave other people out of it. Memories of his past relationships don’t belong.
YOU are the present; stay with the present.
Don’t Talk About: His money
Look, the truth is that a lot of guys run into a lot of women that are only looking at him as a source of gifts and support.
Every guy understands his obligation to provide for his family. But don’t bring up the topic of his money too early. Whether that’s talking about his salary, or how he spends his money.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t watch how he handles himself when it comes to paying for the check, of course. But there’s no reason to get into his finances until much later on.
Okay now let’s talk about what you should bring to your conversation with a man –
Talk About This – #1: Anything you can compliment about him
Look ladies, the sad fact of the matter is that men don’t get enough compliments. At least not the right kinds.
You can’t compliment a man the way you compliment a woman. He isn’t really all that concerned about his choice in shoes or evening jacket. (Does anyone even care about an evening Jacket anymore?)
What a man cares about more than anything else is whether or not he has done something that is worth recognizing.
One of the most important things to a man is being approved of. When you give him approval, his heart just sings.
So a good compliment is your best starting salvo.
Compliment him on something he did well, or a decision he made.
Talk About This – #2: Talk about his Hobbies or his Passions
Guys love to talk about their pastimes. After all, there’s a good chance he took a job just to pay for his Hobbies. And maybe that developed into his career.
So you can talk about his work, but even better is to talk about what he would be doing if he didn’t have to work at all. In fact, you can even ask him that question to find out what’s important to him.
You need to know this if you’re entertaining the idea of this guy being your “one and only” someday.
Also, make sure you ask intelligent questions about his hobbies. All you have to do is be genuinely interested in him and what he’s talking about.
Show curiosity and ask questions and you will win his heart.
Talk About This – #3: His friends and family
Look, you want to know more about his world. If only to find out if he’s a good match for you. So the best thing you can do is to ask him about his friends and what makes them all friends.
Find out what holds them together and makes them close.
- What activities do they share?
- How did they meet?
- What are their differences?
- What are their personalities like?
Questions are your number one intelligence-gathering tool. Make sure you are asking him questions regularly to find out more about him.
The more you learn at the start, the easier your relationship will probably go.
And the less time you’ll spend wasting on guys who don’t deserve your attention.
Talk About This – #4: His pets
If he’s got a dog, find out about his dog. He will probably ramble on and on about his dog, just warning you.
If he has cats … well, maybe you should rethink this whole thing. (Just kidding!)
We all love to talk about our pets, after all. And there’s no faster way to open his heart up then to awaken the love he has for his pet.
Talk About This – #5: Find out about his job
Yes, eventually you do need to know what his career is.
- Why did he choose it?
- What does he love about it?
- What does he hate about it?
- How did he get into that line of work?
- Is he doing it just for the money?
- How does his job satisfy him?
And of course talk about your own job. Why did you choose it? Etc.
You can tell an awful lot about a man by finding out how he came to do a certain job. And the reasons he gives you for choosing it.
As you get to know him better, bring it up several times. You’ll find that he tells you more and more about it as he feels more safe talking to you.
Talk About This – #6: Talk about your own turn-ons
I’m talking about your passions here. The things that make you excited about life.
A man is also looking to see if you have your own life. He wants to know YOU are together before he starts a relationship with you.
No man wants to be an emotional support system or your sole sense of self-worth.
After he talks about his own Hobbies, you should talk about your own.
You do have some hobbies, don’t you?
Make sure you have a life of your own before you start dating. It can be terrifying for a guy to think that the only thing going on in your life is the search for a relationship.
Talk About This – #7: Your tastes
It’s important to talk about the music that you listen to, the movies that you watch, the television shows you view.
If you’re just watching re-runs of “Gilligan’s Island” all the time, he’s going to see that as a red flag.
You want to know that you have common tastes – that you will have something you can share together. If you are not interested in the same things, or your interests don’t align, you will find it difficult to forge a real connection to him.
I will warn you that a man will even get married to a woman he has nothing in common with as long as he feels physical attraction and there is a physical relationship.
Unfortunately, he will lose interest later on when he realizes his mistake. That’s why it’s up to you to watch out upfront.
Help him make a good decision!
Talk About This – #8: Talk about things you can do together
One of the best ways to get a man to fall in love with you is to have adventures with him. Do things together that get him emotionally involved.
It’s the process of experiencing life that creates real emotional investment. So pick out a few activities that will get him activated.
Maybe it’s trying out a new rock climbing gym, or going to see a local theater production. Just choose something exciting and that will bring up the level of attraction between you.
Talk About This – #9: Talk about books you’re reading
If you find a book that you are both familiar with, it’s one of the best ways to get a conversation going.
Ask what he found interesting, and not so interesting about it.
If you’re a reader, of course you want a man who also reads. So make sure this is high on your list of requirements for your life partner.
You do have a list don’t you?
Talk About This – #10: Tell him about your plans for life
Another thing that men really admire in a woman is a sense of purpose. Purpose beyond finding a guy to marry.
I know it sounds kind of old-fashioned, in this day and age. But the psychology is still very valid.
We want to know that the person we’re interested in has other interests. We want to know that they won’t just latch onto us at the first chance they get. This goes for men as well as women.
Make sure he knows that you had a life before him. And that you have plans for your life, you have a whole adventure ahead for both of you.
Talk About This – #11: Talk about travel
This is a topic we all like to talk about. Find out where he’s been, and where he wants to go.
After all, eventually you want to have travel to share with him. You want to go to new places and experience the world, and you want to know that he wants this too.
- Where would he like to go?
- Where has he gone?
- Where would you like to go?
- What are your favorite places?
Talk About This – #12: Talk about food
This one’s a no-brainer. Talking about food is the easiest thing in the world.
- Talk about the food you like
- Talk about food you’d like to try
- Talk about some of your favorite restaurants and what makes them your favorite
- Talk about some of your food adventures from the past
Talking about food is one of the easiest ways to start and keep a conversation going.
The other benefit is that when you start talking about food, there are other stories that connect to it. He’ll be reminded of lots of other experiences from the past.
Talk About This – #13: Accentuate your commonalities
In other words, make sure you talk a lot about the things you guys have in common. Your compatibilities.
The more you talk about the things you share, the more you’re going to forge a connection with him. And if you really do like this guy, you can’t go wrong.
Just don’t get stuck on this topic, or else it can seem forced.
Talk About This – #14: Later on, talk about love
The best way to get into the topic of love is to explore things like his celebrity crushes.
Another great way to bring it up is to talk about his first real-life Crush from grade school or middle school.
Gently work in stories of your past relationships in a way that is not threatening to him. And get him to talk about his.
By bringing up this topic, you are reactivating the same emotions in him that he has felt in the past. Only now, in the present moment, he will be feeling them for you.
Talk About This – #15: Talk about his dreams, goals, future
It’s especially important that you know what kind of a thinker this guy is. You want to know if he’s got a plan for his life.
That’s why you got to find out what he thinks he’s going to be doing 5, 10, 20 years from now. Even if that’s only being a dad, you have to know that he’s thinking about it and planning for it.
Perhaps the biggest red flag you can encounter is talking to a man who has no plans for his future.
It might sound romantic when he says he’s just “living for the moment, but that’s just another way of saying: “I’m just treading water.”
You need a guy who is forging a path forward. Not stagnating.
Talk About This – #16: Talk about your favorite movies
I’m kind of listing this twice. But it’s actually an important one.
When you find out why people like certain movies, you find out more about how they think and feel. You understand them deeper. That’s why this warrants extra attention.
- Ask him what’s in his “Netflix queue”
- Or what the last good movie is he saw
- What type of movies he enjoys
- What kind of movies he avoids
Bonus points here if you can find a few good quotes you’ve memorized from past movies. As you may or may not know men really love to reuse movie quotes. It’s a way for him to kind of relive the experience of the movie.
Talk About This – #17: Talk about sex – but carefully
Some guys can be weirded out by making him talk about this topic before he’s ready. Most men are pretty Savvy to making it happen, but they aren’t always willing to have it in conversation.
So you need some indirect ways to bring up “the Nasty” with him.
Again, you want to make this a topic for later dates. Maybe not the first or second date.
But when you do bring it into the conversation, it will rapidly accelerate the pace of your relationship.
And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not talking about sex until you guys get there and are ready for that part of your relationship to happen.
Talk About This – #18: Talk About … Never Have I EVER
One of the most fun ways to get in touch with someone is to let yourself be a kid with them again. And one of the best conversation games is to play the “never have I ever” game.
The game is super simple: “Never Have I Ever” – if you’ve never played it before – each person holds up a hand and takes a turn sharing a statement about something they have never done, while saying: “Never have I ever… “
If anyone HAS done the action, they put down their hand. Then they tell the story about when they DID do that.
It’s a lot of fun, and can lead to some really wild and interesting conversations.
Here are some ideas for questions:
- Never have I ever rode a motorcycle
- Never have I ever lost a bet
- Never have I ever went skinny-dipping
- Never have I ever cheated on someone
- Never have I ever woke up somewhere without knowing where I was
- Never have I ever broken a bone
There are tons of crazy lists for this game on the Internet, plenty to fuel your conversations for … well, years.
In order to keep a man interested, you have to be able to start conversations that bristle with energy. If you hang back and try to play it too safe – which a lot of women do – you’re going to lose before you get started.
Don’t play to “not lose.” Play to WIN!
I’ve given you plenty of ideas for what to talk about with a guy here. If you put your mind to it, you can come up with a bunch more.
The truth is that you don’t really need to know WHAT to talk about. (And if that was a question, I just answered it.)
Really, you’re probably wondering HOW to talk with a guy.
- What words do you use to talk to him?
- How do you reach his heart?
Guys do use different words, and you might feel like you’re fumbling with the right words to use when you talk with men.
There IS a way to know the right things to say – you can have simple scripts that you can use to handle any situation with a man…